A typical Saturday night for me is waiting for my husband to come home from work, reheat dinner, watch TV, and go to bed, in that order. So imagine my surprise when my husband says he wants to go to a co-worker's house for a party after he gets home. Ugh. I haven't left the house at 11 pm on a Saturday night since I was single. But my husband begged, saying we never go out, and that we'd only stay a couple of hours (yeah, right, heard that one before). So I went. I put on a nice shirt and jeans, minimal makeup, ready to go out when all I wanted to do was stay home.
We get to the party and we quickly realize that we are at least 10 years older than everybody there...at least. Can you say awkward. The girls all look like Snooki from The Jersey Shore-big, black hair, heavy makeup, 5 inch heels, tight clothes, and bodies not made for tight clothes. The guys all looked like wanna be gangsters. For entertainment, beer pong in the garage and loud music. Ten years ago maybe this would have been my scene but now as a thirty-something married woman trying to have a kid this isn't the direction I want my life to go in.
I wonder if this is cool now-girls looking like Snooki, guys who look and act like they want to be in a gang, even if they're not. If this is what's popular, count me out. Don't get me wrong, everyone was nice, and I didn't have the worst time but I didn't have the best time either.
I think my party days are over. You know you're old when you can't party with the young kids anymore. They got me beat. They can keep their loud music and beer games. I rather be at home. If that makes me old, then it makes me old. But actually I think it makes me wiser. There's nothing like going to a late Saturday night party in someone's garage to make me realize I'm not missing out on anything and it's definitely time to settle down.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Less TV, More Life
I want to improve my life and I'm not going to do that sitting on the couch watching endless, mindless hours of TV. Reality TV is slowly zapping my brain and any and all intelligence and for what purpose. If a TV show is not teaching me anything, it's not worth watching.
TV and movies have their place but it's not my life and it's not what matters to me the most. What matters to me is me, my husband and improving our life together. I need to stay centered and not lose focus of what's really important in life. I must have goals each and every day. I need to be creative and express myself. At this point in my life I don't think I could go back to a regular 9-5 job stuck in a cubicle watching the time go by. I need to figure out a way to be more creative and get paid for it. That's the catch. I'm not going to do that sitting on my butt watching someone else's life on TV. I have my own life to worry about. I need to be more interested in me than someone on TV. They don't care about me than why should I care about them.
Education never stops. We are constantly learning. Don't block that progress by sitting in front of the TV watching the latest and greatest reality show. Value yourself and your time. Focus on yourself and what's important to you. Turn off the TV and read something. Get off the couch and do something. Watch less TV and get a life.
TV and movies have their place but it's not my life and it's not what matters to me the most. What matters to me is me, my husband and improving our life together. I need to stay centered and not lose focus of what's really important in life. I must have goals each and every day. I need to be creative and express myself. At this point in my life I don't think I could go back to a regular 9-5 job stuck in a cubicle watching the time go by. I need to figure out a way to be more creative and get paid for it. That's the catch. I'm not going to do that sitting on my butt watching someone else's life on TV. I have my own life to worry about. I need to be more interested in me than someone on TV. They don't care about me than why should I care about them.
Education never stops. We are constantly learning. Don't block that progress by sitting in front of the TV watching the latest and greatest reality show. Value yourself and your time. Focus on yourself and what's important to you. Turn off the TV and read something. Get off the couch and do something. Watch less TV and get a life.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
To Be In the Dark or Not
Sometimes I wonder whether it's better to be in the dark or know the truth. If you live in the dark you're oblivious to what's really going on around you. You walk around blissfully happy but if you know the truth what really can you about it anyways. You can scream and cry but that won't change anything. It is what it is. Is it better to know or not to know?
Sometimes being in the dark isn't a bad thing. Sometimes it's better not to know than to know especially when you can't change your situation. There are some things you can't change or stop no matter how hard you try. If someone is going to cheat on you or if an alcoholic is going to drink, you may not be able to stop them no matter what. It's going to happen and you're going to hurt. Then ask yourself do you really want to know.
Now if the truth is obvious then you must confront it. If it's obvious someone is cheating on you, then you must talk about it. If it's obvious someone is drinking too much, then you must confront it. Confronting the problem head on doesn't mean things will change. If they do change it doesn't mean it's always for the best. Things could get worse, stay the same, or get better. Just because you confront the truth doesn't change it. It is what it is. It's up to you to make the next move.
You can't change the truth and you can't run and hide from it. Sometimes it's better not to know. To go on living like everything is fine until it's impossible not to do so. Whether you know it or not, the outcome is still the same. You may choose to stay living with an alcoholic or a cheating spouse. You may act like everything is fine. You may forgive but the hurt is still there. Whether you know the truth or not, whether you stay or go, the hurt and pain remains. The damage is done.
Which is why I think I want to live in the dark for as long as possible. It's safe there, sometimes even comforting. When the light comes on, it will come on. I can't stop it. The I will know what the truth is. The pain will begin and I will have to make a choice and life will go on. But for now I just want to stay in the dark and hold on tight. It is always darkest before the dawn.
Sometimes being in the dark isn't a bad thing. Sometimes it's better not to know than to know especially when you can't change your situation. There are some things you can't change or stop no matter how hard you try. If someone is going to cheat on you or if an alcoholic is going to drink, you may not be able to stop them no matter what. It's going to happen and you're going to hurt. Then ask yourself do you really want to know.
Now if the truth is obvious then you must confront it. If it's obvious someone is cheating on you, then you must talk about it. If it's obvious someone is drinking too much, then you must confront it. Confronting the problem head on doesn't mean things will change. If they do change it doesn't mean it's always for the best. Things could get worse, stay the same, or get better. Just because you confront the truth doesn't change it. It is what it is. It's up to you to make the next move.
You can't change the truth and you can't run and hide from it. Sometimes it's better not to know. To go on living like everything is fine until it's impossible not to do so. Whether you know it or not, the outcome is still the same. You may choose to stay living with an alcoholic or a cheating spouse. You may act like everything is fine. You may forgive but the hurt is still there. Whether you know the truth or not, whether you stay or go, the hurt and pain remains. The damage is done.
Which is why I think I want to live in the dark for as long as possible. It's safe there, sometimes even comforting. When the light comes on, it will come on. I can't stop it. The I will know what the truth is. The pain will begin and I will have to make a choice and life will go on. But for now I just want to stay in the dark and hold on tight. It is always darkest before the dawn.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Finding What's Already There
I can feel myself getting stronger, while others are getting weaker. People who I thought were strong, now appear weak. My self-confidence is growing. At this point, I feel sorry for anyone who stands in my way.
The first thirty-something years of my life I barely made a peep. So quiet and shy, half the time no one knew I was there. I was always the good girl, doing my job well, never causing any trouble. The thing about that is it really doesn't get you anywhere in life. You never really advance, you just do your job. You try to be everyone's friend but not everyone is going to like you. It just doesn't get you anywhere but where you're already sitting.
Not anymore. The next thirty-something years of my life are going to be different. I'm in it for me. Call me selfish, but sometimes being nice doesn't get you anywhere. It's up to me to make it happen. Everyone is in it for themselves anyway. I'm simply joining the club.
Part of this is becoming debt free and free from the grasp of materialism and consumption. By doing this you are dependant on no one. You owe no one money and that gives you power. By not being into stuff, name brands, labels, and impressing people, you are at no one's mercy. I don't care what people think. It's not about them, it's about me. I like having money in the bank, gas in the car, and food on the table. Other than that I don't need much, and that makes me powerful. What I need is inside, not out.
The power and self-confidence I've always been looking for has been there the whole time. I just needed to find it and now that I have I feel more powerful than ever. You can call me names but I'm getting ahead. Either you're with me or against me but either way I'm moving forward. I got to do this for me because no one else will. I'm a powerful and independent woman and now I'm going to start living like one.
The first thirty-something years of my life I barely made a peep. So quiet and shy, half the time no one knew I was there. I was always the good girl, doing my job well, never causing any trouble. The thing about that is it really doesn't get you anywhere in life. You never really advance, you just do your job. You try to be everyone's friend but not everyone is going to like you. It just doesn't get you anywhere but where you're already sitting.
Not anymore. The next thirty-something years of my life are going to be different. I'm in it for me. Call me selfish, but sometimes being nice doesn't get you anywhere. It's up to me to make it happen. Everyone is in it for themselves anyway. I'm simply joining the club.
Part of this is becoming debt free and free from the grasp of materialism and consumption. By doing this you are dependant on no one. You owe no one money and that gives you power. By not being into stuff, name brands, labels, and impressing people, you are at no one's mercy. I don't care what people think. It's not about them, it's about me. I like having money in the bank, gas in the car, and food on the table. Other than that I don't need much, and that makes me powerful. What I need is inside, not out.
The power and self-confidence I've always been looking for has been there the whole time. I just needed to find it and now that I have I feel more powerful than ever. You can call me names but I'm getting ahead. Either you're with me or against me but either way I'm moving forward. I got to do this for me because no one else will. I'm a powerful and independent woman and now I'm going to start living like one.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Little Children
Deep down inside we are all little children. That little person never leaves us. She's down there deep inside your soul and when you feel the pain she comes up to the surface.
The pain of childhood never leaves. It's a scar so deep it's in you forever. You can never forgot that feeling of being scared or lonely or shy and wanting and waiting for someone to comfort you. When those feelings return you become that little child again.
It all goes back to the playground or the classroom or home-not being part of the popular group, not getting invited to a party, not going to a dance. The situation doesn't matter, the feelings are the same. We all just want to be liked and included, as children and adults, and when that doesn't happen, the child comes out in all of us.
Do we ever really grow up? Our bodies may, but inside is different. We may act more mature and responsible but deep down, late at night, we wonder who likes us and who doesn't, do I fit in, am I wearing the right clothes.
We grow up and play roles-mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend. Does the child inside us ever grow up too? The pain of childhood lingers on. It shapes us into the adults we are today, good or bad. When we get hurt or sick, we go back to that little child for comfort. What would she do? What is she feeling? To heal the child we must heal ourselves. The child and adult are one in the same. You must make peace with her, acknowledge her, comfort her. You are her mother now, you are her friend. Treat her like you would want to be treated, and then go out and do the same to others. Heal the wound.
The pain of childhood never leaves. It's a scar so deep it's in you forever. You can never forgot that feeling of being scared or lonely or shy and wanting and waiting for someone to comfort you. When those feelings return you become that little child again.
It all goes back to the playground or the classroom or home-not being part of the popular group, not getting invited to a party, not going to a dance. The situation doesn't matter, the feelings are the same. We all just want to be liked and included, as children and adults, and when that doesn't happen, the child comes out in all of us.
Do we ever really grow up? Our bodies may, but inside is different. We may act more mature and responsible but deep down, late at night, we wonder who likes us and who doesn't, do I fit in, am I wearing the right clothes.
We grow up and play roles-mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend. Does the child inside us ever grow up too? The pain of childhood lingers on. It shapes us into the adults we are today, good or bad. When we get hurt or sick, we go back to that little child for comfort. What would she do? What is she feeling? To heal the child we must heal ourselves. The child and adult are one in the same. You must make peace with her, acknowledge her, comfort her. You are her mother now, you are her friend. Treat her like you would want to be treated, and then go out and do the same to others. Heal the wound.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Truth and Honesty - Let's Get Real
I am in a constant quest for truth and honesty. I'm tired of playing games and beating around the bush. All I want now is truth and honesty from myself and others. In a sometimes materialistic, narcissistic world, everyone and everything seems fake. So-called reality shows are not really reality. It's what they want you to see. I don't believe anyone's life is that interesting, whether you're rich or poor, famous or not.
Truth and honesty starts with yourself. You can't find it on others until you find it in yourself first. Look in the mirror and be honest with yourself. When you're not pretending to be someone else or something you're not, things get a lot easier. Your expectations are not as high.
Once you're being honest with yourself, you can start to find it in others. Look beyond the crap and look into that person's soul. You may almost feel clairvoyant. Don't take things at face value. Ask questions and get to the bottom of things. Somewhere deep down is the fountain of truth. It may not always be pretty but it's real and that's what you want.
I believe we're all selfish people, some more than others. No one does anything without getting something in return. Even if you volunteer, you may not get paid money, but you feel good about yourself. That's the payoff. If you can find someone else's payoff, that's gold. Motivation is the key. We all get out of bed in the morning for someone or something. Find that reason and be honest. Not everyone is doing what they love. Not everyone is in a happy relationship.
Sometimes honesty and truth can hurt. But in the end, isn't it better to be honest, then to have years of lies and unhappiness. What a waste of time. If we could all be honest then maybe we could save ourselves a lot of heartache and move on. Let's all walk in the truth and be honest, not only with ourselves, but each other. We'll be better people for it and maybe the world would be a better place.
Truth and honesty starts with yourself. You can't find it on others until you find it in yourself first. Look in the mirror and be honest with yourself. When you're not pretending to be someone else or something you're not, things get a lot easier. Your expectations are not as high.
Once you're being honest with yourself, you can start to find it in others. Look beyond the crap and look into that person's soul. You may almost feel clairvoyant. Don't take things at face value. Ask questions and get to the bottom of things. Somewhere deep down is the fountain of truth. It may not always be pretty but it's real and that's what you want.
I believe we're all selfish people, some more than others. No one does anything without getting something in return. Even if you volunteer, you may not get paid money, but you feel good about yourself. That's the payoff. If you can find someone else's payoff, that's gold. Motivation is the key. We all get out of bed in the morning for someone or something. Find that reason and be honest. Not everyone is doing what they love. Not everyone is in a happy relationship.
Sometimes honesty and truth can hurt. But in the end, isn't it better to be honest, then to have years of lies and unhappiness. What a waste of time. If we could all be honest then maybe we could save ourselves a lot of heartache and move on. Let's all walk in the truth and be honest, not only with ourselves, but each other. We'll be better people for it and maybe the world would be a better place.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
I Like Me, Do You?
I've recently come to realize (at probably a late age) that the things I do I need to do for me not others. I need to make myself happy not someone else. I have to like myself first before others will even look at me.
I've never been the popular girl and probably never will be. I'm shy and quiet. I've always wanted people to like me though. I don't want to be the center of attention ( a shy persons nightmare) but I would like to be acknowledge now and then as a living, breathing person who has feelings and opinions, though not always easily shown.
I used to think that if I was really pretty or successful I would get attention. Maybe then people would look at me and not over me. Now I realize if I get attention for that, it would be for all the wrong reasons. I should want to be those things for me, not to please or get the attention of others.
I don't know why people don't like me. If people would take the time to get to know me they would find I'm a really nice and funny person. My husband likes me so I can't be that bad. I've never intentionally hurt someone. I'm not a crazy person, either. I know my personality works against me but just because I'm not the life of the party doesn't mean I don't want to get invited. I want to be there and would like to be included. All I want is a seat at the table. If you give me a chance I think you would like what you see because, finally, I'm starting to like me too.
I've never been the popular girl and probably never will be. I'm shy and quiet. I've always wanted people to like me though. I don't want to be the center of attention ( a shy persons nightmare) but I would like to be acknowledge now and then as a living, breathing person who has feelings and opinions, though not always easily shown.
I used to think that if I was really pretty or successful I would get attention. Maybe then people would look at me and not over me. Now I realize if I get attention for that, it would be for all the wrong reasons. I should want to be those things for me, not to please or get the attention of others.
I don't know why people don't like me. If people would take the time to get to know me they would find I'm a really nice and funny person. My husband likes me so I can't be that bad. I've never intentionally hurt someone. I'm not a crazy person, either. I know my personality works against me but just because I'm not the life of the party doesn't mean I don't want to get invited. I want to be there and would like to be included. All I want is a seat at the table. If you give me a chance I think you would like what you see because, finally, I'm starting to like me too.
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