This week I found out two of my friends are pregnant. Not that uncommon but I've been trying to get pregnant for over a year and a half. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for my friends but also sad for myself. Something that seems to come so naturally for others is not happening to me. It's just another reminder of what I don't have.
I'm at the age now where almost all of my family and friends have kids. Getting birth and pregnancy announcements is becoming as painful as a knife to the heart. I see baby pictures and wonder if that will ever be me or am I just dreaming.
Infertility is a lonely road. People act like they understand but they don't unless they've been in my shoes. And even couples with infertility issues refuse to talk about it or even acknowledge they have a problem. It's a lonely club to be in.
We keep trying and people keep giving me advice. From magic herbs to take, to prayer, to just telling me not to worry, it doesn't help. It's a physical and emotional pain. My body has failed me. There must be something wrong with me, right? If only it was that easy. Every month getting my period makes me cry. Another month of hoping down the drain.
But we keep trying and holding our heads high. We watch other people's children grow and hope that one day our turn will come. I'm happy for others that have kids but until I have my own there will always be a hole in my heart. I will not feel complete without a child in my life.
Maybe we weren't meant to have children but I can't accept that. Not yet, not now. We're still hoping, still trying. Trying to beat the biological clock that gets louder and louder as the years go on. All I can do is hope for the best and hope that one day our turn will come.
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