What Happened to Privacy?

Whether you're married or dating, what stays private? Or in this age of texting and social media, is anything really private anymore?

I believe that anything that happens in the bedroom is strictly confidential. Same goes for anything in a doctors' office too. Anything having to do with my body, inside or out, is also considered personal business.

When you're in a relationship obviously some of these things have to be shared and should be if you love and trust your partner. But what stays between the two of you? And who are you allowed to share certain information with?

Some people are more open than others. Others are more private even to the ones they love. Neither one is right or wrong. It all boils down to personal preference. But what happens when one person is private and the other is more open? One word: conflict.

Being private myself, I am not one to share unless I absolutely have to. I don't know why I am so private. I keep my cards closely guarded to my chest like a poker player except the cards are my feelings and I'm playing against the world. I am constantly wearing my poker face.

My husband is more open, sometimes too open in my opinion. As a private person I can only cringe in horror as I hear him talk about things to others that I believe should be private. Maybe that should be added to the wedding vows-thou shall not spill the others' beans even to close friends and family no matter how much alcohol has been consumed in the process. Amen.

Now, of course, we all have some sort of best friend or confidant that we turn to in times of crisis for advice. I, myself, have such a person. She lives in another state and we mostly communicate by email. I know I can tell her anything and she will keep my secrets. She is my version of Switzerland, a neutral third party I can turn to. But what happens when you or your partner's bestie or confidant is a family member? A family member you have to see at holidays or family events. A family member who knows all your secrets and personal information. Is this fair to the other person or is this an invasion of privacy?

When you or your partner is open with a friend, it's a different story. A friend usually knows how to keep their mouth shut. This is the job of a good friend. If a friend spills your secrets, it's simple, she is no longer a friend. But when that person is a family member, it's different. Families usually gossip whether it's around the dinner table or on the phone. Sooner or later you stop talking about yourselves and start talking about that cousin you haven't seen in twenty years. Is privacy out the door because your family or is it a right that because we're family we all have to know everything about each other? Where do we draw the line?

I draw the line at my mouth. Sometimes you have to know when to shut it. I still believe some things are left between a husband and wife. Just because we have cell phones now and social media doesn't mean my former preschool classmate gets to know the current state of my marriage.  And I'm sorry to say, even though we're family, whether by blood or marriage, doesn't give you the right to know everything about me. Some things are better left unsaid or is it untexted or unposted now?

Either way I'm shutting my mouth and I hope my partner does too. We all know way too much about each other. We don't have to know what happens in other peoples' bedrooms or doctors' office. These places have doors for a reason. Keep them closed. Respect your partners privacy. Just because you have a cell phone or an online page does not mean you have to share everything with the world.

I married my partner for a reason-to share my love, my life, and my feelings intimately with him and only him. This commitment does not extend to family and friends. Not by a long shot. I'm sorry but there's only room for two on this journey and along the way I'll send you a postcard or two but please don't ask for anymore information that that. This journey and this life is between the two of us.