Wednesday, February 29, 2012

The Calm Before the Storm

I thought having a baby would bring my husband and I closer together. I was wrong. Now we're both freaking out and dealing with it in different ways. I'm a bathroom cryer at midnight. My husband drinks and texts people instead of talking to me. I know something is off and I can feel the distance between us. Is it the baby or something else? I have a feeling I'm going to wake up one day and he'll blurt it all out. I don't know when or how bad it will be but I do know the storm is coming.

On top of that I have to deal with my mother-in-law. She wants to throw me a baby shower that I don't want - in another city where I don't live. I know she's being nice but it's not what I want. I don't want to offend her but I'm not going to do something that I don't want to do either. There's a fine line between being polite and offending someone. Storm number two is brewing.

My in-laws have graciously offered to buy us a crib and that's sweet but being a first time mom I have no idea what to look for or where to start. I don't have anyone to help me and I feel so lost and confused. Babyland is a confusing place to live. Not only do I have no idea what to buy for a baby, I have no idea how to take care of one either. This is why I cry in the bathroom at midnight while my husband sleeps off his beer in bed. We all have different ways of coping. Between my husband, my mother-in-law and the baby, my life has become the perfect storm of anxiety, excitement, and confusion.