Sunday, June 8, 2014

Three Good Things

Things here are not good and I have no idea how to make them better. I've come to the conclusion that on some level I've been emotionally abused. My husband doesn't call me names but he's not very nice to me either. I don't feel respected or supported. I know half of this is my fault. I let him do this to me. My lack of self esteem has allowed him to walk all over me. I feel trapped, suffocated and alone like an animal in a cage. There's no way out and I'm running out of ideas to make this work.

There are three things holding me together at this point - my daughter, my parents, and my therapist. I love being with my daughter, I look forward to talking to my parents and hopefully seeing them again soon, and I look forward to talking to my therapist every week. Therapy is a like a spa for your head. I walk out feeling refreshed until my next appointment. Those are the three things that keep me going. I have to focus on those three things.

The one thing that brings me down is my husband. His drinking is like a black cloud that is always around us. There is nothing between us anymore. His drinking disgusts me. I wish I didn't have to be around someone who is so sick and in such denial. He brings me down but I have three things that bring me up. I must focus on those three things like my life depends on it, because it does.