No Respect

I'm a stay at home mom and that's a choice I made. I feel I'm doing the right thing by staying home with my daughter. Not every day is easy or fun. It's actually a lot of hard work, much harder than I thought it would be. I've thought about going back to work on the bad days. You always think the grass is greener on the other side until you get there.

What bothers me though is the way I'm treated especially by people who work. Just because I'm home doesn't mean I watch TV all day. I do have a schedule. It may be more flexible than yours but I have one. I do have things to do like child care, cleaning and cooking. Things you pay other people to do, I do all day long, every day. I don't get weekends, holidays or vacations. If anything, I work harder on those days. I remember birthdays because I care not because I have time to remember. I don't sit around and look at a calendar all day. I have things to do too, you know? I'm tired of hearing how busy working people are. I'm busy too. It's the same but different. Respect that.

Another thing that bothers me is that no one asks me how I'm doing or how my day went. I know my day is boring to you - dishes, laundry, diapers. Sometimes I'm bored too. And I know you do the same thing but it would be nice if someone asked or took an interest in me. Even my husband isn't interested in me anymore. I guess when you have a baby you're not fun or interesting.

I love being with my daughter and watching her grow but I hate the way the outside world treats me. I tell people I'm a stay at home mom and the conversation ends. I hate the fact that people don't respect me because I don't get dressed up, sit in traffic, go to an office and earn a paycheck. Being a mom is a part of my life not my whole life. I deserve respect too. Next time you meet a stay at home mom, ask her about her day and ask her if she needs help or a break or if she wants to do something fun because I can guarantee the answer will be yes.

Baby Jail

I feel like I had a baby and lost my life. I am now a stay at home mom, morning to night, seven days a week. I can no longer have fun or do anything social without lots of planning, a diaper bag and a stroller. Going from the house to the car alone takes about a half hour plus diaper changes and snacks. Everything must be planned and scheduled either around meal time or nap time. This is my life. I am a mom. Forget my husband and goodbye alone time. I am a mom. I love my daughter but she is a lot of work, time and patience. I can't even imagine having another child by choice. Of course, it doesn't help that we have no family nearby and my husband would rather be at a bar or drinking a twelve pack at home then socialize with us. I am desperately looking for other moms or activities to break me out of baby jail. Living in a small town doesn't help. It only makes me feel more isolated and alone. My husband's drinking doesn't help. No one does. I'm on my own. I'm not a single mom but a lonely one. No friends, no family, and an alcoholic husband. My daughter and I are  trapped in a small house and a small town. How do I break out of baby jail and get a life? I love my daughter and I want to be with her but we need to get out and get away from here. We need to be with people who care and surround us with love and happiness. We deserve better and we deserve to be happy. We deserve to be free.

Seperate Lives

Sorry for the lack of posts but I just needed a break for a while to kind of figure things out.

Anyway, things have been the same. I feel like my husband and I are leading separate lives. He has his work life, his home life with me and our daughter, and then there's the third life. This life does not include me and is very secretive. It involves the cell phone, the computer, drinking, the bar, and other women. Sometimes I think I'm paranoid but there are too many signs. He's very sneaky with the cell phone and computer. He told me the other day he stays up late watching porn on the computer and apparently he's into older women now. That doesn't surprise me because we live in a town full of older, single, divorced, lonely women. It's his playground, my hell.

Me, on the other hand, I feel like I have no life. I need to get a life if I'm going to stay here but I feel like I'm starting from negative zero. My husband has work friends, bar friends, and female friends. At this point he has more female friends than me. It's hard to make a life when I want to be someplace else far away from here. I guess it's like being in prison for a crime you didn't commit and making the best of it but you're always trying to figure a way out. Sometimes I wish I would win a lot of money then I could just leave. I pray sometimes that God will help me find a way out but still be able to take care of me, my daughter, and my parents. I keep waiting for that window or door to open. I keep waiting for some sort of chance or new opportunity. All I want is to be happy and be with my daughter and parents and be with people who want to be around me. Is that too much to ask? I think I deserve that. I think I deserve happiness.

Daily Update 11/16/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- pizza rolls (bad)

dinner- rice, beans and avocado

sleep- about 8 hours

exercise- none

other-

I'm frustrated. My husband and I go to marriage counseling and we're good for that day but then his weekend comes and everything goes downhill. I feel like I'm taking one step forward, twenty steps back every week. It just doesn't make sense. Every weekend is bar, drink, text. Thursday night was especially frustrating. He makes a point to tell me he's shutting off his phone and then a hour later I catch him texting in the kitchen. It took every bone in my body not to say anything. Of course, he said he was doing nothing wrong but then why the games? I wanted to talk about it but he was drunk and I knew he would just lie or blame me anyway so what's the point. I finally spoke to him this morning about it because it was bothering me so much. Of course, he says he's going to change, this weekend will be better, blah, blah blah. I've heard it all before. If only it was true.

Daily Update 11/15/2013

breakfast- toast and banana

lunch- hot pocket (bad)

dinner- fish, mashed potatoes, broccoli

sleep- about 8 hours

exercise- none

other-

Not much to report, same old, same old. My husband's weekend was pretty standard - bar, drink, text, repeat. We did have sex this morning which we haven't done in a long time. Hopefully that shuts him up for a while. All I hear from him is sex, sex, sex but he's always drunk, drunk, drunk. I don't think my husband gets how unattractive he is when he's drunk. The texting doesn't help either. Also, he doesn't brush his teeth before bed so in the morning it's like waking up next to a drunk, dirty dog. Yeah, that turns me on...not.

Daily Update 11/11/2013

breakfast- toast

lunch- beefaroni (bad)

dinner- eggplant parmesan

sleep- 7 hours

exercise- none

Daily Update 11/10/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- eggs and sausage

dinner- chili

sleep- about 8 hours

exercise- none

other-

My husband is back to his normal shift so things are back to normal. I didn't mind him working day shift except it gave him more time to drink at night than working swing shift. I met that girl yesterday that also sees my therapist and we seemed to hit it off. She has a son who is the same age as my daughter and hopefully we can get together and do playdates. She seemed really nice and smart.

Daily Update 11/5/2013

breakfast- toast

lunch- leftover linguine with clams

dinner- tacos

sleep- about 8 hours

exercise- none, too cold

other-

I got to see my therapist yesterday and I feel so much better. I was ready to pack my bags and go but my therapist calmed me down. She's such a nice lady. I feel bad for her because her new secretary quit, the other therapist had a baby, and she has to have surgery. She didn't say what kind of surgery but I hope she's ok. I need her! My husband is working day shift this week so my schedule is upside down but we'll be back to normal on Sunday. I just got a phone call from the girl my therapist gave my number to. I didn't answer because my daughter is sleeping. I'll call her back later and maybe we could meet. I understand she's in the same situation I am- new baby, no family here, except she works and her husband stays home. Interesting. I hope she's nice and we hit it off. It would be nice to have a friend here.

What is Normal?

My husband's weekend totally sucked again. Wednesday he spent two hours at the bar making Halloween bags for the employees' kids. Apparently he works there now. He comes home all happy and talks about what a good time he had, meanwhile I'm at home with the baby. I asked him who he hangs out with at the bar and he says mostly female bartenders and waitresses. What a surprise. I've been told there all old and married but that's never stopped anyone before. Then he precedes to drink and text all night. We try to have sex that night (his idea, not mine) but he's too drunk.

Thursday was Halloween. The best part was taking my daughter trick or treating for the first time. Other than that everything sucked. My husband went to the bar again. He was in charge of handing out candy. When he wasn't handing out candy he was on his phone texting and drinking. My breaking point was when he took a shower and he took his phone into the bathroom with him. Who does that? Is that normal? I don't do that. I finally knocked on the bathroom door and confronted him. We got into a fight in front of our daughter and then he went to bed at 9:45 pm. He was out of beer and I busted him texting in the bathroom so why stay up anymore. I barely slept all night and when I was awake the only thing that brought me comfort was thinking about being with my parents.

Friday morning he had the nerve to ask for sex. Of course, he had forgotten about everything the night before. Don't worry I reminded him and needless to say we didn't have sex. My husband says I don't have a life and I don't do anything but if living is going to a bar, coming home and drinking a twelve pack, being on your phone all night and ignoring your family, then I rather stay home and read a book. Is that normal? I don't know. I don't know what normal people do. I live with an alcoholic. My life is a constant roller coaster and I want to get off. I want to be normal. 

Daily Update 10/29/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- lunchable (bad)

dinner- pork marsala w/ stuffing

sleep- 8 hours

exercise- none

other-

My husband's weekend starts tomorrow. Tomorrow he's suppose to carve the pumpkin and I'm going to buy candy. Thursday is Halloween. My husband will hand out the candy and I'll take our daughter trick or treating. It should be a fun weekend....I hope.

Daily Update 10/28/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- none (bad, just not hungry)

dinner- fish and mashed potatoes

sleep- about 8 hours

exercise- none

other-

Today was couples therapy and it went really well. We watched the baby in the office and she was really good. There was no yelling and no tears. The therapist was in complete control of the situation. The main thing I learned was communication is the key. If you're unhappy you have to say so. You can't move forward if you don't communicate. I was pleasantly surprised by today's session and I look forward to next time.

Daily Update 10/27/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- ravioli (bad)

dinner- sweet and sour chicken

sleep- about 8 hours

exercise- took my daughter for a walk

other-

Well, my husband made it a point yesterday to say again that his friendship with Angie is over. He said he spoke to her last week and told her to cut it out. I guess her husband is starting to get suspicious too. My husband said she was flirting but I know it takes two to tango. Only time will tell how this works out.

Tomorrow is couples therapy. I'm nervous for two reasons - one, the receptionist is suppose to watch our daughter. I don't see that working out but we'll see and I'm just nervous about the therapy itself. My husband has made it a point now to say twice he doesn't talk to Angie anymore and he's going to start working overtime to pay for his beer. We estimated he spends about $200 a month on beer alone. I think he's trying to score points with me so I don't bring it up tomorrow. I'm just going to let the therapist take the lead. I have no idea what I'm in for.

Daily Update 10/26/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- leftover spaghetti

dinner- chili

sleep- about 8 hours

exercise- took my daughter to the park

other-

Yesterday I told my husband that I was disappointed that we didn't go to the park Thursday as we had planned. He decided to go to the bar instead. I guess bar time is more important than family time. So he decided that we were going to the park Friday morning even though it was about forty degrees out. I hope he realizes making up for lost time doesn't count. It wasn't that cold in the sun and our daughter had fun but it certainly felt rushed. I just wish we had went to the park on Thursday when it was much warmer and we had all day to do it.

I've decided that on his days off I'm just going to assume he's going to the bar. This way I won't be so disappointed when he does it. Maybe that will save me some pain.

Weekend Update 10/25/2013

I survived my husband's weekend. It's amazing how better I feel once Friday comes. I spend Wednesday and Thursday on pins and needles but on Friday I can breathe. The weekend wasn't bad but it wasn't good either. He went to the bar both days even though we're low on money. Thursday we were suppose to take our daughter to the park but he went to the bar instead.  Wednesday night he wanted to walk to the gas station to get more beer but he couldn't walk a straight line if he tried. So instead he drank his moonshine. Good compromise.

My husband keeps complaining about the lack of sex. He thinks if he rolls over and touches me I'm automatically turned on. Sorry, it doesn't work that way. Maybe he should try drinking less, spending time with his family, and less time on the phone. That might work. He also says he doesn't text his friend Angie anymore. I would like to believe him but I don't. I know better.

Monday we have couples therapy. At first I was dreading it but now I'm looking forward to it. Maybe our therapist can help us. I obviously can't get through to him. This therapy thing is a last ditch effort. If this doesn't work I don't know what will.

Our neighbor is getting ready to sell her home and move an hour away. That's a bummer. She's the only one I trust with my daughter. She's also the only one we socialize with as a family. We don't hang out with other families. I don't have any mom friends. As a matter of fact, I don't have anyone else. She's our only support out here. If she moves it will just make a bad situation even worse.

Sometimes I wish I would win lots of money so I can leave and get out of here. I would go and be with my parents. I'm tired of being alone and not having any support. My husband completely ignores us. I pray that something good will happen because at this point that's all I can do.

Daily Update 10/22/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- lunchable (bad)

dinner- shrimp, rice and beans

sleep- about 8 hours

exercise- none

Daily Update 10/21/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- donut (bad)

dinner- buffalo chicken wraps

sleep- about 8 hours

exercise- walked w/ my daughter

other-

I saw my therapist and next Monday my husband and I are starting couples therapy. I am so nervous. I know it's not going to go well especially when the touchy subjects come up like drinking and texting. My therapist says she will not allow my husband to play the blame game or insult me. We also need to do a budget because we always end up short at the end of the month. I know he spends a lot of money on alcohol and I'm sick of watching our future go down his throat. We also need to start leaving our daughter with our neighbor. Hopefully, our neighbor can watch her Monday or the receptionist will but I think that will be too distracting. Our daughter needs to get out of the house more and be around other people. She can't be with me all the time. As much as I love her, I need to let her go.

My cousin emailed me and wants me to talk to my mom about getting my dad to see an eye doctor.  He needs eye surgery but for some reason will not go. I wish my parents would take better care of themselves. They're both retired and have no excuse not to go to the doctor.

I've been trying to watch less TV and I also realized I need to spend less time on Facebook too. Those are my two major time wasters. I went on Facebook and went through my newsfeed and hid anyone I don't care about and who doesn't care about me. Why am I wasting my time following someone who was never my friend and never will be? Some people post way too much. I need to focus on me, not other people. I'm tired of trying to please other people and getting them to like me. I need to move on. I need to focus on me, my daughter and my parents and that's not going to happen watching TV or being on Facebook.

Daily Update 10/20/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- bacon and eggs

dinner- lemon butter fish w/ stuffing

sleep- about 8 hours

exercise- none

Daily Update 10/19/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- tomato and cucumber salad

dinner- sloppy joes

sleep- about 8 hours

exercise- did about a 20 minute workout DVD

Daily Update 10/18/2013

breakfast- toast and apple

lunch- zucchini bread

dinner- orange chicken w/ rice

sleep- about 8 hours

exercise- none

other-

Pretty good weekend with my husband. We took our daughter to a pumpkin patch, decorated for Halloween and got flu shots. Finally got to see my therapist. My husband did go to the bar once (that I know of) but walked to the convenience store twice. He also fell asleep on the couch twice. We didn't fight and he didn't seem to be texting a lot ( at home, at least). So, overall, it wasn't a bad weekend. Much better than last weekend.

Daily Update 10/15/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- breakfast sausage

dinner- veggie quesadilla

sleep- about 8 hours

exercise- none

other-

Well, today did not go as I expected. My husband had his therapy appointment at ten, mine was suppose to be right after except the new receptionist double booked my appointment and I got moved to tomorrow. So I came home and had to listen to my husband say how great he felt and I was miserable. I haven't seen my therapist in two weeks and I had some really important things to talk about. I was all excited and then the door got slammed in my face. I guess I'll just have to wait to tomorrow to vent. One more day to hold it in. One more day.

Daily Update 10/14/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- leftover rice and beans

dinner- homemade chicken tenders and beans

sleep- about 8 hours

exercise- none

other-

Finally get to see my therapist tomorrow after a two week break (she had a conference). My husband is going tomorrow too (separate appointment). He hasn't been in over a month. I can't wait to go. I have so much to talk about.

Daily Update 10/13/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- leftover spaghetti

dinner- rice, beans, and avocado

sleep- 7-8 hours

exercise- none

Daily Update 10/12/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- lunchable (bad)

dinner- spaghetti w/ Italian sausage

sleep- about 8 hours

exercise- none

Weekend Update

My husband's days off are Wednesdays and Thursdays. Thursday was fine but Wednesday was a nightmare. He went to the bar to start with, came home and kept on drinking. Then I caught him texting his "friend" Angie. Of course he tried to defend his so-called friendship with her but when you're that drunk nothing makes sense. He let me text her on his phone and she didn't respond. Busted! The next morning she texted him and said she had went to bed. Bullshit! Less then five minutes before I texted her, she was texting my husband. She had been caught.

My husband went to the bar Wednesday and Thursday. At this rate, I'm going to have to go back to work to pay for his bar tab. And he wonders where all the money goes.

My husband said to me Wednesday after I caught him texting his "friend" that I can't handle his friendship with her because I'm weak, fragile and too emotional. I disagree. I have to be strong to live with an alcoholic who texts other women. I have to be strong to get up every morning to not only to take care of myself but my daughter. I have to be strong to put up with his crap. He is the weak one. He has the addiction, he's cheats and lies. I live a clean life. I go to therapy every week. My life is open and honest.

I had two people tell me this week that I'm smart. I don't feel so smart. If I'm smart then what am I doing in this situation? Sure, I like to read and maybe I speak well but smart didn't get me here.

Two good things happened this week - first, I got my hair done which always makes me feel better and I get to talk to my hairdresser who is really nice. Second, my mom unexpectedly sent me a box of baby clothes. I wish me, my daughter and my parents could be together. I'm tired of being alone. I hope one day we can all be together but for now I'm grateful I'm here to take care of my daughter, I'm grateful my daughter is happy and healthy, and I'm grateful my parents are ok. I wish things here were better but for now that's all I got.

Daily Update 10/8/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- top ramen (not healthy, but I wasn't feeling well)

dinner- tacos

sleep- about 8 hours

exercise- none

Daily Update 10/7/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- avocado, snack bar (not really hungry, also not much to eat in the house)

dinner- shrimp, rice, veggie stir fry

sleep- about 8 hours

exercise- walked with my daughter

Daily Update 10/6/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- Caesar salad

dinner- pizza chicken, garlic bread

sleep- about eight hours

exercise- walked with my daughter

other-

Yesterday my husband thanked me for being nice, more specifically for coming into bed after I got up earlier to snuggle (no sex). That's not something I normally do but I thought it might be nice. At first his comment bothered me. I know I'm not always a joy to be around but deep down I am a nice person. I'm a nice person who is in a bad situation.  It's hard to be nice when your husband drinks and texts another woman. It's hard to be nice when you're alone a lot and you wish deep down you were someplace else. It's hard but I'm trying.

Speaking of being someplace else, my mother in law called me from Vegas. Vegas is where I used to live and where my parents live. Vegas is the place I wish I could go back to. My mother in law was there to celebrate her 40th wedding anniversary but all she talked about was being tired and being sick of hotels.  I would trade places with her in a second. We were suppose to be there too for the anniversary party but then they cancelled it but they had it anyway (long story). Everyone was there except us. Now we look like the losers. Oh well, I rather go on my own anyway. One day, one day....

I still hope my parents move up here but I don't think that will happen especially after I told them about my husband's drinking. I wish I had someplace to go because things can get pretty sad and lonely here. For now I'm stuck and I better make the best of it. I better start being nice. 

Daily Update 10/5/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- leftover fettuccine alfredo

dinner- Dijon apricot pork chops w/ scalloped potatoes

sleep- about 8 hours

exercise- walked w/ my daughter in the stroller

other- I spoke to my Mom today after the bombshell I dropped last week regarding my husband's drinking. Of course, she's concerned but I told her that everything is ok....for now. She said I can come down there anytime I want and stay. I told my husband that and he didn't seem thrilled. I told him last week I told my parents about the drinking, therapy etc. but he seems to have forgotten. He kinda gave me the cold shoulder before he left for work but whatever. It's his problem not mine. If he's embarrassed that's his fault. He also likes to point out that I don't have it so bad. I guess that's his way of telling me to shut up but I won't and he can't make me. The only two things I got going for me right now is my daughter and the truth. 

Changes

I'm going to change the food journal to a daily journal. My therapist has me filling out this sheet where I list meals, hours slept, exercise, and anything that happens that prevents me from eating right, sleeping or exercising. I like it and I think besides eating right it's important to exercise and get enough sleep. So let's begin.

breakfast- toast and banana

lunch- hot pockets (bad)

dinner- chicken and dumplings w/ mixed veggies

sleep- 8 hours

exercise- I didn't exercise. It was cold and windy. I didn't do much yesterday. It was my husband's last day of vacation and I just tried to get through the day.

Vacation Update

My husband's vacation is almost over so I though I would give an update. Friday I caught him texting his "friend" Angie. She's married also and lives a couple of hours away. They met at a race and my husband works with her cousin. I've caught them texting before and let's say some of the texts were borderline flirtatious plus alcohol equals bad news. As usual a fight followed, then tears, then anger. Of course, it's everyone's fault but his. He's an innocent little lamb. Thanks husband for drinking and texting another woman.

Saturday I broke down and told my mom everything - the drinking, the texting, therapy, my in laws, everything. The cat is out of the bag. Now my parents know how miserable I've been.

Sunday, more drinking and texting but this time my husband decided to pick on his brother. His brother took the drunken bait, called him, and they had a fight. My husband hung up on him and his brother texted that he never wants to talk to him again.

Also, my husband thought for some reason our car insurance wasn't going to go through so he went to the bar instead. Guess what? The next day the car insurance went through and I had to put money in his account but at least he got to go to the bar and that's all that counts, right?

So that's the highlights of my husband's drunken vacation. I can't wait for it to be over.

Food Journal 10/1/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- pasta salad

dinner- going out

Vacation

Starting tomorrow, my husband will be on vacation for nine days. He's looking forward to it, I'm not.
We don't have any plans and not a lot of money. This should be interesting. My husband promised me it's not going to turn into a booze fest as he calls it, but we'll see. I know better. Anyway, I won't be posting a lot. I'll try to post when I can. Wish me luck and I hope I survive this vacation in one piece.

Food Journal 9/24/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- ravioli (bad)

dinner- rice and beans w/ avocado

Therapy

Today was my weekly therapy appointment. Before my appointment, I actually felt good about myself and thought I was making some progress. After my appointment, I was a mess. I guess nothing has changed. I've always known that I'm depressed but when my therapist says it and suggests I get on antidepressants, it makes me even more depressed. You know things are bad when even your therapist feels sorry for you. I thought therapy was suppose to make me feel better but now I feel much worse. My therapist made some valid points about my life but I didn't get here overnight and nothing's going to change overnight either. I feel stuck and trapped. I don't want to be dependent on a pill for happiness. Nothing seems to be working and I have no one to blame but myself.

Menu Monday 9/23/2013

Dinner ideas-

tacos
beans and rice
reubens
orange chicken
chili lime shrimp
jambalaya
sloppy joes
chili
shrimp stir fry
chicken parmesan
taco macaroni

Food Journal 9/23/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- pizza rolls (bad)

dinner- spaghetti

Food Journal 9/22/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- Caesar salad

dinner- shrimp, mango and avocado tacos

Food Journal 9/21/2013

breakfast- toast

lunch- salad w/ tomatoes, cucumbers and bleu cheese

dinner- chicken Caesar salad

Food Journal 9/20/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- hot pocket (bad)

dinner- pork roast w/ carrots, mushrooms, potatoes and gravy

Food Journal 9/17/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- leftover tomato ricotta pasta

dinner- chicken picatta w/ German potato salad

Food Journal 9/16/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- leftover BBQ pulled pork sandwiches

dinner- tomato ricotta pasta

Food Journal 9/15/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- hash browns and eggs w/cheese

dinner- BBQ pulled pork sandwiches

Food Journal 9/14/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- salad w/ tomato, green onion, bleu cheese and Italian dressing

dinner- Mongolian beef w/ rice

Breakfast and Guilt

My husband made me breakfast this morning in an attempt to make up for the drinking on his days off. He went to the bar twice this weekend plus what he drinks at home. Wednesday was the worst. He drank and then spends all night on the phone either texting or calling people, meanwhile my daughter and I sit on the couch. We might as well not have even been there. Then he puts in a violent R rated movie while our daughter is still awake. It didn't take him long to pass out though. I put the baby to bed and shut the movie off. Then I saw his phone was flashing so I checked the caller id and it was from a female coworker. I didn't read it but I could have. I was already pissed off so I just went to bed alone while he slept on the couch. Great night. Thursday was a little better but not by much. He has a vacation in a few weeks and we have no plans or even money to do anything. Sucks. I am not looking forward to it but he made me breakfast this morning so everything's better, right? Bacon and eggs don't replace feeling alone, angry, and sad but nice try. Maybe my husband should try cutting back on the booze and spending more time with his family. Is that too much to ask?

Food Journal 9/13/2013

breakfast- scrambled eggs w/ ham and bacon (husband made breakfast)
                 toast and banana (shared w/ my daughter)

lunch- salad w/ cheese, ham, tomato and Italian dressing

dinner- buffalo chicken wraps

Food Journal 9/10/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- beefaroni (bad)

dinner- BLT on wheat bread w/ avocado

Menu Monday 9/9/2013

Dinner ideas-

buffalo chicken wraps
tacos
beans and rice
reubens
orange chicken
chili lime shrimp
Mongolian beef
jambalaya

Food Journal 9/9/2013

breakfast- banana and half a Clif bar

lunch- brownie from a neighbor (bad)

dinner- vegetable quesadilla

Food Journal 9/8/2013

breakfast- banana and toast w/ jam

lunch- turkey and cheese sandwich

dinner- chili

Food Journal 9/7/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- hot pockets (bad)

dinner- sesame chicken with rice

Food Journal 9/6/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- nachos

dinner- spaghetti

Food Journal 9/3/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- leftover salsa verde

dinner- lemon butter fish w/ mashed potatoes

Menu Monday 9/2/2013

Dinner ideas for this week-

sesame chicken
chili
buffalo chicken wraps
tacos
beans and rice
spaghetti
nachos
reubens
orange chicken
chili lime shrimp
Mongolian beef
jambalaya

Food Journal 9/2/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- peanut butter and jelly

dinner- pork salsa verde w/ rice

My Neighbor

My neighbor died of cancer. He had a rare form of cancer and died at home. He was only two years older than me and had two kids. He seemed like a nice guy. He would always wave and say hello. I look across the street now and see his truck parked in the driveway, his camper in the backyard, and the shed he built before he got too sick to do anything. His girlfriend doesn't get as many visitors anymore. I watched them remove the body from the house. Then they removed all the medical equipment and his family left. Just like that.

Since his death, I've done a lot of thinking and have come to two conclusions. One, you either choose life or death. How many of us are really living? Or are we just going through the motions? Two, if you want a different life you have to do things differently. You can't do the same thing everyday and expect a different result. No one is going to knock on your door and change your life. You have to do that yourself. My neighbor's death at such a young age from a rare form of cancer has got me thinking - am I living the life I want to live? What can I do differently to change my life? Some people live to a be a hundred and some people die from cancer at age forty in their house. You never know when you or your loved ones are going to go. We have to start living, we have to take chances, we have to do things differently, right now.

Food Journal 9/1/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- zucchini quesadillas

dinner- chicken parmesan

Food Journal 8/31/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- leftover taco pasta

dinner- zucchini quesadillas

Food Journal 8/30/2013

breakfast- toast and banana

lunch- oatmeal

dinner- sloppy joes w/ onion rings

Food Journal 8/27/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- beefaroni (bad)

dinner- taco pasta

In Law Update

My mother in law called last night. She said she called my husband Friday at four o'clock and he didn't sound drunk. I don't know what that means. Does she think I'm lying? She also told me she had dinner with my brother in law. I asked her if he talked about my husband. She said no and I told her about the card and nasty text message he sent. She was shocked. The next day my husband gets a apology text from my brother in law. Did my mother in law have something to do with that or did he do it on his own? I don't know but I think it's time to let this go and focus on more important things in life.

Menu Monday 8/26/2013

Dinner ideas-

beans and rice
salsa verde
tacos
buffalo chicken wraps
chili
taco pasta
sesame chicken
orange chicken
chili lime shrimp bowls
Mongolian beef
jambalaya
kielbasa, potato and sauerkraut
coconut chicken

Food Journal 8/26/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- smoked oysters w/ crackers

dinner- raspberry chicken w/ mashed potatoes

Food Journal 8/25/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- pork sausage and potatoes

dinner- shrimp stir fry w/ rice

Who Needs Enemies? I Have In Laws!

Here are some updates on my in law drama:

1. I called my mother in law to talk about my husband's drinking and she said she knew he was an alcoholic five years ago. Nice! Thanks for filling me in, mother in law, and then she preceded to talk about me and how I need to get out of the house and make friends. Ummmm, I think your son being an alcoholic is a bigger problem, don't you?

2. My brother in law sent my daughter a belated birthday card and money which at the time I thought was a nice gesture. Wrong! My husband sent him a text thanking him and apologized for the fight they had over my daughter's first birthday. What do you think my brother in law said back? Your welcome? No, that would have been too easy. He said go f@#k yourself, apology not accepted, and then he listed all the Christmas gifts he's gotten us over the years. I guess someone is keeping score. I though Christmas was about giving not receiving. Not with my in laws.

So, to review: my mother in law knows her son is an alcoholic but I have the problem and my brother in law is a materialistic, selfish jerk. I think that about covers it. I can't wait for the next family reunion!

Food Journal 8/24/2013

breakfast- banana

lunch- hot pockets (bad)

dinner- homemade chicken tenders w/ stuffing

Food Journal 8/21/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- salad w/ tomatoes and cucumbers

dinner- pork marsala w/ mashed potatoes

Food Journal 8/20/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- salad w/ tomatoes and cheese

dinner- homemade fish sticks and beans

Menu Monday 8/19/2013

Dinner ideas-

jambalaya
Mongolian beef
chili lime shrimp bowls
pork marsala
orange chicken
sesame chicken
taco pasta
taco salad
fish sticks

Food Journal 8/19/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- hash browns, bacon, and cheese

dinner- taco salad

Food Journal 8/18/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- hot pockets and cookies (bad)

dinner- spaghetti w/ olives, celery, carrots and onion

Food Journal 8/17/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- leftover ribs, pear

dinner- kung pao chicken w/ rice

Food Journal 8/16/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- leftover breakfast casserole

dinner- fish tacos

I Finally Figured It Out

I finally figured out why I've been so miserable this past year. I don't have post partum depression and I don't need time alone. It's so simple that once I figured it out with my therapist I was actually embarrassed that I didn't figure it out sooner. What I need is for me, my husband and daughter to spend more time together as a family. Simple, right? Isn't that what normal families do? For the past year I've been told I'm irrational, emotional and depressed.  This is what I get for listening to my husband. He tells me to get out of the house, in fact, he practically yells at me to get out. What he doesn't understand is that most of the time I'm home alone with the baby and when I go out I'm alone. I'm constantly alone. I don't need new friends or hobbies, I need a husband who wants to spend time with his family and not run away from us.

Before the baby was born we did a lot together. After the baby was born that stopped. I stayed home and he went out - a lot. I know it sounds crazy but it's true and I don't know why that happened but it did. That's why I've been so unhappy. It's so simple it's stupid. I can't believe I had to go to a therapist to figure this out. My husband and I never made the transition from being a couple to a family but that's going to change. We are going to do more stuff together like we should of been doing all along. We are going to be a family. I don't expect this to solve everything but it's a good start at least for me.

Food Journal 8/13/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- roasted sweet potato bites

dinner- chili

Eyes Wide Open

Here are a few things I've learned lately-

1. My brother and sister in law forgot my daughter's first birthday. Every year I send their kid's cards...on time. At least my brother in law admitted he forgot but my sister in law said she sent a package which we have yet to receive. Also a remark was made that since I'm a stay at home mom and don't officially work, I have time to remember birthdays and send out cards. That's right, in laws, all I do is sit around all day and stare at a calendar and wait for birthdays to come around so I can have something to do with my life. Thanks, and by the way if you ever read this, screw you.

2. Thanks to therapy I feel like my eyes are finally open to what's been really happening around me. No more secrets, no more lies. I'm free. His drinking problem is not necessarily my problem. I'm stronger than I know. I know this now. My eyes are open, the secrets are out, and there's no turning back. Happiness is truth and truth is happiness. You cannot have one without the other. That I know for sure now.

Menu Monday 8/12/2013

Dinner ideas-

coconut chicken
kielbasa, potato and sauerkraut
jambalaya
Mongolian beef
kung pao chicken tacos
chili lime shrimp bowls
pork marsala
orange chicken
fish tacos
sesame chicken
pasta w/ olive tomato sauce

Food Journal 8/12/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- Subway

dinner- salsa chicken with refried beans

Food Journal 8/11/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- mac n cheese (bad)

dinner- shrimp and tomato pasta

Food Journal 8/10/2013

breakfast- banana and oatmeal

lunch- peanut butter and jelly

dinner- fish and stuffing

Food Journal 8/9/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- corn on the cob, avocado, piece of my daughter's birthday cake

dinner- sweet and sour pork

Food Journal 8/6/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- pizza (a really bad, cheap hot and ready pizza)

dinner- teriyaki stir fry with noodles

Menu Monday 8/5/2013

Here are some ideas for dinner-

salsa chicken
coconut chicken
kielbasa, potato and sauerkraut
jambalaya
Mongolian beef
kung pao chicken tacos
chili lime shrimp bowls
shrimp and tomato pasta
pork marsala
orange chicken
sweet and sour pork
fish tacos
sesame chicken
bbq chicken thighs

Food Journal 8/5/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- peanut butter and jelly

dinner- Mexican rice and beans

Food Journal 8/4/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- hot pockets (bad)

dinner- chicken parmesan

Food Journal 8/3/2013

breakfast- toast, banana, donut (bad)

lunch- salad

dinner- sloppy joes

Food Journal 8/2/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- panda express (special treat)

dinner- spaghetti

The Revelation

Yesterday I went to my first counseling session and it was wonderful. It was so nice to talk to someone and not hold anything back. I felt great when I left. I would encourage anyone who needs someone to talk to about anything to call a counselor today. Unfortunately the feeling did not last. I came home and in my excitement I think I told my husband too much, especially about his drinking. Twelve beers later that night, he starts to tell me I don't have so bad and his drinking is not the only problem, etc. I basically went from the top of the world to the bottom of the mountain. Thanks, husband, but my eyes have been open and the secret is out. He's an alcoholic and there's no turning back now. All I want is the truth and I want everyone to know it. It's time to roll up our sleeves and get to work.

Food Journal 7/31/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- cottage cheese

dinner- pork chops w/ gravy, corn

Food Journal 7/30/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- leftover lasagna rolls

dinner- chicken Caesar wraps

Menu Monday 7/29/2013

here are some ideas for dinner this week-

salsa chicken
coconut chicken
kielbasa, potato and sauerkraut
jambalaya
Mongolian beef
kung pao chicken tacos
teriyaki noodle bowls
chili lime shrimp bowls
spicy shrimp and pasta
pork marsala
Mexican beans and rice
orange chicken
sweet and sour pork
fish tacos

Food Journal 7/29/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- cottage cheese

dinner- lasagna rolls

The Cat

We have a cat that we've had for about 13 years. He's getting older now and is showing signs of age. Before the baby, the cat was our baby. He got a lot of attention. Since the baby's been born he's lucky to get feed. Poor thing, we just don't have much time for him anymore. He's been acting up and I don't know if it's his age or lack or attention or both. He drags kitty litter everywhere, especially our bed. He also starts to meow at five o'clock in the morning for no reason. It's annoying but what can we do, he's our cat. Well, apparently my husband wants to put him down because he annoys him. I annoy him too sometimes, is he going to put me to sleep too? I'm sure some days he would like to. If my husband puts the cat to sleep I will never forgive him or get another pet as long as we're together. I made a commitment when I got this cat and I intend to keep it. I'm not going to give up just because he's old or annoying. If my husband is ready to give up this quickly on the cat, how soon will he give up on me? It makes me wonder.

Food Journal 7/28/2013

Breakfast- banana and toast

Lunch- broccoli with ranch dressing

Dinner- tacos

Food Journal 7/27/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- banana muffins (from a neighbor)

dinner- homemade chicken tenders

The Breakdown

I feel a lot better since my breakdown last Thursday. I don't think I have any tears left. I guess you have to breakdown to build yourself back up. Hopefully that's the direction I'm heading. I still want to try counseling. I have to try it at least once. I'll let you know how that goes but for right now I'm feeling good. Finally feeling calm and at peace. I hope this feeling continues.

Four Words

Here are four words that can change your life-

Choice- we all have choices, make the right one

Change- we can change, change is good

Power- we are powerful and strong

Positive- only good thoughts, only kind words

Food Journal 7/26/2013

Breakfast- banana and bread

Lunch- hot pockets (bad)

Dinner- shrimp stir fry

The Phone Call

So I finally made the phone call to get some help. Yesterday my husband and I got into a big fight and I spent half the day crying. I decided it was time to talk to someone. I can't go on like this and need someone other than my husband to talk to. I figured since my husband is getting help with his issues, it's time to deal with mine. The clinic is checking with my insurance and then they'll call me on Monday to hopefully make an appointment. I've decided to focus on me instead of my husband. He obviously doesn't care how I feel. I want to be a better person and a role model for my daughter. What we're doing now isn't working and it's got to be fixed for better or worse.

Food Journal 7/24/2013

Breakfast- banana and toast

Lunch- turkey and cheese sandwich, pickle

Dinner- ribs and baked beans

Food Journal 7/23/2013

Breakfast- banana and toast

Lunch- leftover roasted vegetable pasta

Dinner- chicken piccata

I'm Lonely

I'm lonely.  It has taken me nearly a year to figure this out. Before the baby was born my husband and I did a lot together - shopping, eating out, watching movies. That all changed with the baby. Now I stay home with the baby (constantly) and my husband goes out. He's taken over all the errands like grocery shopping plus his busy social life which rarely includes me. We have family time when he has time for it. Meanwhile I sit here. My husband and I have talked about me getting out of the house more. We've talked about it more than once but the actual getting out of the house part never seems to happen. I have to tie my husband to the chair to take a shower.

I had a baby and lost my best friend. I have no other friends here. I miss my parents because I don't have family here. I even miss my hometown (even though it's changed) because I feel no connection here. I'm in a prison of my own making. I'm lonely and it hurts. I thought having a baby would bring us closer together but instead we're further apart. I thought couple time would be replaced with family time but we've just gone in different directions passing the baby off like a football. I honestly don't know what to do or where to go. I've thought about talking to someone but I can't seem to pick up the phone and make an appointment. I'm stuck in the house with no place to go while my husband can't seem to sit still. We live completely different lives. I didn't realize being a stay at home mom would be so lonely. 

Menu Monday 7/22/2013

Here are some ideas for dinner-

salsa chicken
coconut chicken
kielbasa, potato, and sauerkraut
jambalaya
Mongolian beef
kung pao chicken tacos
chicken Caesar wraps
teriyaki noodle bowls
lasagna rolls
chili lime shrimp bowls
chicken tenders
shrimp and tomato pasta
tacos
stir fry

Food Journal 7/22/2013

Breakfast- banana and toast

Lunch- greek yogurt w/ honey

Dinner- roasted vegetable pasta

Food Journal 7/21/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- leftover spaghetti

dinner- chili

Food Journal 7/20/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- leftover roasted chicken and potatoes

dinner- homemade fish sticks and mashed potatoes

Food Journal 7/19/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

Lunch- hot pockets (bad)

Dinner- spaghetti

Food Journal 7/16/2013

Breakfast- banana and toast

Lunch- pizza rolls (bad)

Dinner- sweet and sour chicken

Menu Monday 7/15/2013

Here are some ideas for dinner-

salsa chicken
coconut chicken
kielbasa, potato and sauerkraut
jambalaya
Mongolian beef
kung pao chicken tacos
chicken Caesar wraps
fish sticks
teriyaki noodle bowl
lasagna rolls
chili lime shrimp bowls
spaghetti
chicken tenders
chili

Food Journal 7/15/2013

Breakfast- banana and toast

Lunch- fried eggs

Dinner- stuffed shells with spinach

Lessons For My Daughter

Here are some things I would like to teach my daughter (so far)-

eat healthy
exercise
drink lots of water
stand up straight
brush your teeth, don't eat a lot of sugar
read books, don't watch a lot of TV
save money
travel
don't smoke, don't drink too much, don't do drugs
say please and thank you
ask questions
smile

be positive
be kind
be strong
be powerful
be independent
be honest

laugh
love
learn
give

Food Journal 7/14/2013

Breakfast- banana and toast

Lunch- hot pockets (bad)

Dinner- chicken fajitas

Food Journal 7/13/2013

Breakfast- toast

Lunch- leftover salsa verde

Dinner- sloppy joes

Food Journal 7/12/2013

Breakfast- banana, toast, Greek yogurt w/ honey

Lunch- cottage cheese

Dinner- biscuits with sausage and gravy

Food Journal 7/11/2013

Breakfast- banana and toast

Lunch- cottage cheese, blackberries

Dinner- BBQ chicken, corn

Food Journal 7/10/2013

Breakfast- banana and toast

Lunch- greek yogurt with blueberries and honey

Dinner- salsa verde w/ beans and rice

Food Journal 7/9/2013

Breakfast- banana and toast

Lunch- tomato, green onion, bleu cheese salad

Dinner- veggie spaghetti

Food Journal 7/8/2013

Breakfast- banana and toast

Lunch- salad with tomato and bleu cheese

Dinner- pot roast with vegetables

Food Journal 7/3/2013

Breakfast- banana and toast

Lunch- cheese stick, trail mix, salami

Dinner- lemon butter fish

Food Journal 7/2/2013

Breakfast- toast

Lunch- tomato, bean, and avocado salad

Dinner- sandwiches and salad (too hot to cook!)

Posting Schedule

Starting July 3 my husband will be on vacation for 10 days (yikes) and my in laws are coming to visit for 4th of July weekend (double yikes). Did I mention it's hot as hell around here too? Great, stuck inside with the baby, husband and in laws. This is not what I call a vacation. Anyway, for the next 10 days posting will be sporadic. I'll post when I can but no guarantees. Thanks for understanding. Happy 4th of July! Stay cool and safe.

Menu Monday 7/1/2013

Dinner ideas-

stuffed shells
salsa chicken
coconut chicken
kielbasa and sauerkraut
fajitas
sweet and sour pork
jambalaya
Mongolian beef
salsa verde
sloppy joes
buffalo chicken wraps
kung pao chicken tacos
chicken Caesar wrap
fish sticks
teriyaki noodle bowl

Food Journal 7/1/2013

Breakfast- toast (out of bananas)

Lunch- leftover orange chicken

Dinner- baked ziti

Snack- string cheese

Food Journal 6/30/2013

Breakfast- banana and toast

Lunch- smoked oysters and crackers

Dinner- vegetable quesadillas

Snack- string cheese, blackberries

Food Journal 6/29/2013

Breakfast- banana and toast

Lunch- leftover spaghetti with vegetables

Dinner- orange chicken

Food Journal 6/28/2013

Breakfast- banana and toast

Lunch- leftover honey chicken

Dinner- tacos

Snack- string cheese

Food Journal 6/25/2013

Breakfast- banana and toast

Lunch- peanut butter and jelly

Dinner- honey chicken with broccoli

Menu Monday 6/24/2013

Dinner ideas for this week-

stuffed shells
salsa chicken
orange chicken
coconut chicken
kielbasa and sauerkraut
baked ziti
tacos
fajitas
sweet and sour pork
jambalaya
Mongolian beef
salsa verde

Food Journal 6/24/2013

Breakfast- banana and toast

Lunch- mac n cheese (the boxed kind-bad)

Dinner- pineapple curry pork chops

One Step Forward, Twenty Steps Back

Just when things seem to be getting better they get worse.

My mom is on so many pills they make her sick. She went to the doctor and they gave her more pills.  All they seem to do is throw pills at her. She says she doesn't know what's worse - her medical condition or the side effects from the pills. It's pretty bad when the pills that are suppose to help you make you even sicker. I feel so bad for her. She so sick she can't eat or barely leave the house. How is she suppose to eat right and exercise if the pills make her sick? This makes me even more determined to take care of myself and eat right. Also, this week I'm going to look into finding them a place to live by me. Maybe if I can get them up here, I can help them out.

Well, the five minute talks my husband and I have been having are really helping out but now we've run into another problem. This is a much more personal problem that I'm hesitant to share but now we have a bedroom problem. How do you have sex with a baby in the house and all you want to do is sleep? I don't know if it's hormones or I'm just plain tired but sex is at the bottom of my priority list. I think the baby takes it all out of me. Also, we can't be spontaneous anymore. It's hard to get in the mood when you only have five minutes. We've traded one problem for another.

Food Journal 6/23/2013

Breakfast- toast and banana

Lunch- Greek yogurt with honey and berries

Dinner- chili

Food Journal 6/22/2013

Breakfast- banana and toast

Lunch- leftover ham and stuffing

Dinner- chicken with olives and peppers

Snack- blueberries and blackberries from my garden

Food Journal 6/21/2013

Breakfast- banana and toast

Lunch- leftover meatloaf and mashed potatoes

Dinner- fish tacos

Food Journal 6/20/2013

Breakfast- banana and toast

Lunch- hot pockets (bad)

Dinner- ham and stuffing (ham was free)

Food Journal 6/18/2013

Breakfast- banana and toast

Lunch- smoked oysters and crackers

Dinner- sloppy joes

Menu Monday 6/17/2013

Dinner ideas for this week-

stuffed shells
salsa chicken
orange chicken
honey chicken
coconut chicken
kielbasa and sauerkraut
baked ziti
tacos
fajitas
sweet and sour pork
curry pineapple pork
fish tacos
jambalaya

Food Journal 6/17/2013

Breakfast- banana and toast

Lunch- leftover bbq pulled pork

Dinner- eggplant parmesan

Food Journal 6/16/2013

Breakfast- banana and toast

Lunch- bean burrito

Dinner- chicken teriyaki with broccoli

Snack- dates

Food Journal 6/15/2013

Breakfast- banana and toast

Lunch- bean burritos

Dinner- BBQ pulled pork sandwiches

Snack- dates

Food Journal 6/14/2013

Breakfast- bacon and eggs (husband made breakfast)

Lunch- nothing, still full from breakfast

Dinner- spaghetti

Snack- trail mix

Five Minutes

My husband and I have decided to take five minutes a day while the baby's sleeping to talk. We're going to go out in the garage and talk about anything for five minutes. We're going to start tomorrow. I'm pretty excited and hope this works. We never have time to talk and I feel like my husband talks to everyone but me, even when we're in the same house. I guess you can call this cheap marriage counseling. The rules are no phones, no computers, no TV,  no beer, no outside distractions. Just five minutes of talking about anything - silly or serious. I think we need this. We don't have a babysitter so we can't have a date night but five minutes alone is better than nothing right?

Food Journal 6/13/2013

Breakfast- banana and toast

Lunch- crackers and cheese

Dinner- tacos

snack- trail mix

Alone

I have never felt more alone in my life. I had a baby ten months ago and I thought it would bring my husband and I closer together. Boy, was I wrong. If anything we're further apart than we've ever been. We basically live separate lives. I go to bed early, he stays up late. I'm with the baby, he does whatever he wants. We don't have any couple time anymore nor do we do anything as a family. We take turns watching the baby because we have no one to babysit. Our families don't live nearby and that's a big mistake when you have a baby. You need the help and support that you just can't get from a neighbor or friend.

Oh, did I mention my husband has a girl friend? She's married and lives three hours away. They're just friends except when my husband drinks a lot and then he texts her that he loves her. And he wonders why I don't trust him. I cook, clean and take care of the baby all day and when he is home he's either listening to music or texting. I might as well be alone. It's gotten to the point where I want him to cheat on me just so I have a reason to leave.

Being a stay at home mom isn't what I thought it would be. I'm home a lot and I'm alone a lot. If I complain to my husband he says I have post partum depression and that I should go talk to someone. I should be able to talk to my husband but he's too busy drinking, texting and listening to music. Must be nice.

I would love to talk to my Mom about this but she just had a heart attack and I don't want to worry her. Besides my Mom and my husband, I have no one to talk to. I'm alone and it sucks. As a stay at home mom I don't have a lot of options. I don't have an income and I don't have a lot of money. I'm basically stuck, stuck at home with a husband who still thinks he's a bachelor and a baby who deserves better. How did I get here and how the hell do I get out?

Goals

eat healthy
start walking
save money
pay off credit card
get a haircut (have an appointment tomorrow)
get new glasses
sit up straight
watch less TV
visit my parents more
read more
get teeth cleaned (appt next week)
learn something new
do something new
drink more water
clean more
cook more
communicate with someone everyday

Food Journal 6/12/2013

Breakfast- banana and toast

Lunch- greek yogurt

Dinner- steak and baked potato

Snack- trail mix

Food Journal 6/11/2013

Breakfast- banana and toast

Lunch- cottage cheese

Dinner- chili

Snack- trail mix

Menu Monday 6/10/2013

here are a few dinner ideas-

stuffed shells
eggplant parmesan
salsa chicken
orange chicken
chicken and rice
honey chicken
coconut chicken
kielbasa, potatoes and sauerkraut
baked ziti
tacos
fajitas
sweet and sour pork
chicken teriyaki
chili
spaghetti
sloppy joes

Food Journal 6/10/2013

Breakfast- banana and toast

Lunch- greek yogurt with strawberries and honey

Dinner- pork marsala

Food Journal 6/9/2013

Breakfast- banana and toast

Lunch- leftover pizza casserole

Dinner- Shrimp fried rice

Food Journal 6/8/2013

Breakfast- banana and waffle (last waffle, switching to whole wheat toast tomorrow)

Lunch- leftover enchiladas

Dinner- chicken tenders and beans

Food Journal 6/7/2013

Breakfast- banana and waffle

Lunch- leftover salsa verde

Dinner- pizza casserole

Food Journal 6/6/2013

Breakfast- banana and waffle

Lunch- peanut butter and jelly

Dinner- enchiladas

Snack- string cheese, peanut butter ball

Food Journal 6/4/2013

Breakfast- waffle and banana

Lunch- garden veggie pizza

Dinner- salsa verde

Snack- peanut butter ball

Food Journal 6/3/2013

Breakfast- banana and waffle

Lunch- lunchables

Dinner- chicken piccata

Snack- string cheese, peanut butter balls

Menu Monday 6/3/2013

Dinner ideas-

stuffed shells
eggplant parmesan
pork marsala
salsa chicken
orange chicken
chicken and rice
honey chicken
shrimp fried rice
coconut chicken
kielbasa, potatoes and sauerkraut
pizza casserole
baked ziti
tacos
fajitas
chicken tenders
sweet and sour chicken or pork
chicken teriyaki
chicken piccata

Food Journal 6/2/2013

Breakfast- banana and waffle

Lunch- pizza rolls (bad)

Dinner- spaghetti with vegetables

Snack- string cheese

Food Journal 6/1/2013

Breakfast- banana and waffle

Lunch- cottage cheese

Dinner- sloppy joes

Snack- string cheese

Food Journal 5/31/2013

Breakfast- banana and waffle

Lunch- Greek vanilla yogurt with pineapple (tastes just like cheesecake!) and cottage cheese

Dinner- Mexican beans and rice with avocado

Snack- string cheese

Food Journal 5/30/2012

Breakfast- banana and waffle

Lunch- hot dog (bad, but at least I had the last one)

Dinner- chicken teriyaki sandwiches

Snack- fresh strawberries from my garden, also bought some string cheese today.

Food Journal 5/29/2013

Breakfast- banana and Greek yogurt

Lunch- pizza rolls (bad, but it's all I had)

Dinner- Reuben sandwich

Snacks- I plan on hard boiling some eggs later and making my no bake peanut butter oatmeal balls.

Food Journal 5/28/2013

Breakfast- banana and Greek yogurt

Lunch- leftover jambalaya from last night

Dinner- chicken Parmesan

Food Journal 5/27/2013

Breakfast- waffle and banana

Lunch- hot dogs (bad, I know, but I have some leftover from dinner the other night and I'm just trying to finish them off)

Dinner- jambalaya

Snack- trail mix

Menu Monday 5/27/2013

Ideas for dinner-

stuffed shells
eggplant parmesan
pork marsala
salsa chicken
orange chicken
chicken and rice
honey chicken
shrimp fried rice
coconut chicken
kielbasa, potatoes and sauerkraut
pizza casserole
baked ziti
salsa verde
tacos
spaghetti
sloppy joes
chicken teriyaki
sweet and sour pork

Food Journal 5/26/2013

Breakfast- waffle and banana

Lunch- egg, cheese and green onion burrito

Dinner- 3 bean chili

I did have three cookies today that my husband brought home from work.

Food Journal 5/25/2013

Breakfast- waffle and orange. I have found that oranges do not fill me up like bananas used to. I ate the last orange today so tomorrow I will go back to bananas or try apples.

Lunch- nonfat plain Greek yogurt with honey and leftover pot roast with potatoes and carrots.

Dinner- hot dogs and zucchini. I know the hot dogs aren't good for me but it's a quick meal.

Food Journal 5/24/2013

Breakfast- orange and waffle

Lunch- hot pocket (bad, I know.)

Dinner- veggie quesadillas

Food Journal 5/22/2013

Breakfast- banana and waffle

Lunch- Subway

Dinner- Pot roast with carrots, potatoes and onions.

Tomorrow- buying some nonfat Greek yogurt

Food Journal 5/21/2013

I'm trying to eat healthier since my mom's heart attack last week so I thought I would blog about it too.

Breakfast- banana and frozen whole grain waffles. I think when I run out of waffles I'm going to buy whole grain or whole wheat bread. I can have toast for breakfast and sandwiches for lunch.

Lunch- Subway. I got the whole wheat bread. No mayo. Lots of vegetables.

Dinner- Buffalo chicken wraps. I'm making these. The chicken will be cooked in canola oil. The tortillas are whole wheat. The bleu cheese is low fat.

Tomorrow- going to buy some apples and oranges as snacks.

Menu Monday 5/20/2013

Here are a few ideas for dinner this week-

stuffed shells
chicken or eggplant parmesan
pork marsala
salsa chicken
orange chicken
chicken and rice
honey chicken
shrimp fried rice
coconut chicken
kielbasa, potatoes and kraut
pizza casserole
baked ziti
salsa verde
tacos
hot dogs
jambalaya
3 bean chili
spaghetti w/vegetables
sloppy joes
veggie quesadillas
chicken teriyaki

Since my mom's heart attack last week, I've been looking for healthier recipes. I've come to realize I could eat healthier too. Expect to see more recipes using beans and vegetables. I'm trying to cut back on processed food and eat more fresh food.

Take Care of Yourself

I found out recently that my mom had a heart attack. This was quite a surprise since she has never had heart problems before but she does have other medical issues. She also doesn't take care of herself. I've been telling her for years to change her lifestyle and now it has finally caught up with her. My dad is fifteen years older than my mom and he is healthier than she is. Simply lifestyle changes can prevent many medical issues. For example, stop smoking, exercise, and eating right can decrease your chance of getting certain diseases. Why not start today? If you won't do it for yourself, do it for your loved ones.

Is Your "Check Engine" Light On?

If your check engine light turns on in your car stop by your local Auto Zone and they will check it out for free. They can tell you why it's on and turn it off. Mine came on the other day and turns out it was just a loose hose. We fixed it and now everything is back to normal. If you check engine light turns on and you don't know why go to your local auto store and see if they can check it for free. It might be something you can fix on your own like a loose hose or cap. You can't beat a free service especially when it comes to car repair.

Menu Monday 5/13/2013

Here are a few ideas for dinner this week-

stuffed shell
chicken or eggplant parmesan
pork marsala
salsa chicken
orange chicken
chicken and rice
honey chicken
shrimp fried rice
coconut chicken
kielbasa, potatoes and sauerkraut
pizza casserole
buffalo chicken wrap
baked ziti
salsa verde
tacos
pot pies
fish tacos
hot dogs
sweet and sour chicken
jambalaya
chicken cordon bleus
bbq chicken
tomato ricotta pasta

How I Organize Coupons

Every Sunday I work on my coupons. I get the Sunday paper and clip the new coupons. I keep my coupons in an address book. First, I remove the expired coupons. I organize my coupons into categories - food, baby, pet, hair, razors, vitamins, and so on. Do whatever works for you. In each category I organize coupons by the expiration date. I hate finding a coupon that I want to use that's been expired. That's it. I work on it once a week and it doesn't take long. As long as you keep up with it, it should stay organized. All you need is the Sunday paper, scissors, and an address book or a coupon organizer to get started. Why not start today?

Book Review - Your Money or Your Life

I just finished reading Your Money or Your Life by Vicki Robin and Joe Dominguez. I loved it so much I'm reading it again. It will really change the way you think about work and money. It changes the focus from your paycheck and job to you and your energy and how you spend it. I highly recommend it. Read it and it will change your life.

Natural Cleaning Products

The two products I use to clean my house the most are vinegar and baking soda. You can use them together as a scrub or separately. They are cheap and natural. I buy a gallon jug of vinegar and put a little in a spray bottle for everyday cleaning. I use vinegar for mirrors, windows, counters, just about everything. There is a vinegar smell but it only lasts for a few seconds and then it goes away. I don't mind it. I also like to use vinegar and baking soda mixed for scrubbing my sink and shower. The uses for these two products are endless. You probably already have them in your house. Give them a try today.

Mother's Day Gift - Free Mug!

Do you need a Mother's Day gift? York Photo is offering a free 11 oz. mug using the coupon code MYMUG. You must pay shipping and handling which is $5.99. I designed my own mug and it didn't take long. I used one of their templates and uploaded two photos of my daughter. I've never used this company before so I hope it's nice. You must be a new member to get this deal. Sign up is easy and free. Something to consider if you're stuck on a gift.

For more information, go to yorkphoto.com and check it out. I think you have to order today (5/3/2013) for it to arrive by Mother's day.

Update (5/12/2013)- Spoke to my Mom today and she got the mug on Friday. She loves it! She said it's very cute. Whew!

Posting Schedule

Starting 5/1/2013 my husband will be on vacation for nine days. We have family coming to visit and then we are going out of town to visit more family. Needless to say we will be very busy. So for the next nine days I probably will not be posting anything. I hope to resume a regular posting schedule sometime around May 10. Thanks for your patience and understanding.

Smartphone Cases

If you have a smartphone you know how expensive they are. Sooner or later, you will drop it, bang it, or knock it down. My daughter knocked my phone right out of my hand one day and if it wasn't for the case I had around it, I'm certain there would have been some damage. Smartphone cases are pretty cheap. I would rather break the case and buy a new one then break the smartphone. Big difference in price, right? So as soon as you get a smartphone, get a case to protect. One day you'll be glad you did.

Used Kids Clothes

Last night, my husband came home with a huge bag of used kids clothes from a coworker. The clothes are too big for my daughter now but we will certainly use them in the future. If you know someone with kids ask them if they have any used clothes they like to share. I think most people would be glad to hand them over. Whatever you don't use just donate. It doesn't hurt to ask. I would also ask if they had any used toys too. Kids grow out of clothes so quickly and are not very expensive so why not give them to someone else. Same thing with toys. One day it's their favorite toy, the next day it's not. Give it away to a friend or coworker or donate it to someone in need. There's always someone who can use it.

Good Day! Three Samples In My Mailbox

Yesterday in my mailbox I got three really good free samples. I got a roll of toilet paper, a razor, and a small bag of dry cat food. It felt like Christmas! Sometimes signing up for all those free samples really work. Plus, every sample came with a coupon. Bonus! So, sign up for those free samples. You never know what you might get. Google free samples at least daily to see what's out there. You may not get every one but it's worth a shot.

Generic Medicine

My husband has terrible allergies and brand name allergy medication is expensive. Today instead of getting the brand name he got generic instead. He had to pay a dollar more but he got twice as many pills. If you use medication always ask if there is a generic brand available. Either ask your doctor or the pharmacist. At the store, the generic version is usually right next to the brand name medicine. Compare the ingredients, how many pills you get and then compare the price. Most times you'll find the generic is the better value.

Menu Monday 4/29/2013

Here are a few ideas for dinner this week-

stuffed shells
chicken or eggplant parmesan
pork marsala
salsa chicken
orange chicken
chicken and rice
honey chicken
shrimp fried rice
coconut chicken
kielbasa, potatoes, and sausage
pizza casserole
buffalo chicken wraps
kung pao chicken tacos
baked ziti
sloppy joes
salsa verde
chili
tacos
fish tacos
chicken tenders
spaghetti
hot dogs
sweet and sour chicken

Make Coffee at Home

If you like to drink coffee make it at home and try to keep it as simple as possible. Walking around with a coffee cup from a fancy coffee shop has become a status symbol. People think it's a accessory like a phone and a purse. It doesn't make you any smarter or better than bringing in your own coffee. Some of those fancy coffee drinks are just as expensive as a meal and just as fattening too. If you consider it a treat that's fine but if you do it everyday it's a waste. It's just coffee, people. I know someone who travels with their own coffee because they won't drink any other brand. Really?! Is coffee that important in your life that you travel with it? I know some brands of coffee sold at the store are better than others but don't spend more than you have to. Coffee is coffee. Drink it and move on. Put down the fancy labeled cup and pick up a regular coffee cup and save yourself some money.

Get to Know Your Neighbors

It is always helpful to know at least one neighbor in your area. Whether you live in a house or apartment, neighbors can be extremely helpful. Not everyone will want to be friends but if you talk to enough people hopefully you can find one person to connect with. When you find a friendly neighbor get to know them by name and exchange phone numbers. Neighbors can watch your home if you go on vacation, collect your mail, give you a ride if your car breaks down, borrow milk or sugar if you run out, etc. It is always nice to know someone in the neighborhood. So next time you see a neighbor don't put your head down or run into the house, smile and wave and see if you can start a friendship today.

Menu Monday 4/22/2013

Here are some ideas for dinner this week-

(Sorry this is a day late, husband called in sick yesterday and didn't get to it)

stuffed shells
chicken or eggplant parmesan
ribs
pork marsala
salsa chicken
orange chicken
chicken and rice
honey chicken
shrimp fried rice
coconut chicken
kielbasa, sauerkraut and potatoes
taco pasta
pizza casserole
buffalo chicken wrap
kung pao chicken tacos
baked ziti
chicken cordon bleus
sloppy joes
chicken piccata
California roll wrap

All You Magazine Coupon

Go to coupons.com for a .50 cent coupon off All You magazine. This is only good at Walmart and expires 5/24/2013.

Walgreens 15% Off 4/19 & Water Filter Deal

Today only (4/19/2013) Walgreens is having 15% off in store and online with coupon. Go here for more details walgreens.com. Also, Brita filters, pitcher and faucet mount refills are on sale plus use your 15% off coupon for a great deal. Take a look around online or in store today to match sales with 15% off for some great deals.

How to Find Free or Cheap Activities

Looking for something to do that doesn't cost a lot of money? Here are some places to look for free or cheap activities in your area. First, is you chamber of commerce. Each city or county has one and they usually have a website filled with local events. Second, check your newspaper. If you don't buy a paper check their website instead. Third stop is your local news station. You can either watch the news or check out their website. Most websites will have a community calendar or an events page with a list of events by date or city. Check it out and find something free or cheap to do today.

Menu Monday 4/15/2013

Here are a few ideas for dinner this week-

stuffed shells
chicken or eggplant parmesan
ribs
lasagna
pork marsala
salsa chicken
spaghetti
orange chicken
chicken and rice
Cajun fish
honey chicken
ginger orange pork
shrimp fried rice
coconut chicken
kielbasa, potatoes, and kraut
taco pasta
pizza casserole

Life Is Full of Choices

We all have choices to make in life and our choices have consequences both good and bad. What works for one person may not work for another and that's okay. We're all different but we shouldn't judge. You can choose to spend your paycheck or save it. You can choose to eat healthy food or unhealthy food. You can choose to sit all day or exercise. You can choose to watch a sport or play a sport. You can choose to eat out or eat at home. The choice is up to you and what kind of lifestyle you want. Do you want to retire early or work until you're 65? The choice is up to you. Are you willing to sacrifice now or later? It's entirely up to you. Life is full of choices, now go out and make a good one.

Pay Yourself First

Whenever you get paid or get extra money don't forget to pay yourself first. Take a portion of that money and put it away in a savings account and forget about it. Then don't touch it unless you absolutely need it. Before you know it you'll have a nice sum saved away for a rainy day.

Consignment Stores

I love consignment stores. You can get gently used, name brand clothes for really cheap. Consignment stores will only sell items that are used but in great condition. I went to one store the other day and got a Calvin Klein top for $7.99. It doesn't even look used. If you saw me wear it you would never know. Consignment stores are a great bargain if your looking for name brand clothes at discount prices. Find one today and go check it out.

Learn to Cook

Knowing how to cook a decent meal can save you money. Cooking at home is healthier than going out and cheaper too. Plus, you might have leftovers you can use for another meal. The more you cook the better you will get. If you need help or inspiration try watching a cooking show, or get a cookbook, or find recipes online. My favorite cooking shows are on the food network, the cooking channel and PBS. My favorite place to find recipes online is allrecipes.com Start with basic recipes and work your way up. Don't be afraid to experiment. Don't look at cooking as a chore, look at it as a skill you can use for the rest of your life. In the end, your wallet and body will thank you.

Menu Monday 4/8/2013

Here are a few ideas for dinner this week-

stuffed shells
chicken or eggplant parmesan
ribs
chicken teriyaki
lasagna
pork marsala
salsa chicken
spaghetti
orange chicken
chicken and rice
fish and veggies
tacos
Cajun fish
honey chicken
jambalaya
ginger orange pork
shrimp fried rice
coconut chicken
bbq peach pulled pork
bratwurst
taco pasta
kielbasa, potato and sauerkraut

Google for Deals

If you need an item and want a deal just Google it. I googled paper towel deals and found a deal on Amazon through a blog. Then I went to Amazon, signed into my account, and placed my order. I also was able to clip an e-coupon for a dollar off. Next time you're looking for a deal or a coupon do a web search before you leave the house. You may find that you don't need to go to the store after all and you can have the item shipped right to your door. That's what I call stress free shopping.

Online Banking

If your bank has online banking sign up for it. Just today I got an email from my bank telling me that one of our accounts had been overdrawn. I caught it just in time and saved myself a $35.00 fee. My husband had made the mistake of thinking a bill had cleared when it was really still being processed. It was our mistake but the email notification saved us money. Online banking is free. I check my account almost everyday online. I like to actually see it than hearing my balance over the phone. You can also do transactions like balance transfers and pay bills. Online banking is free, easy and convenient. It may also save you from expensive fees when you make a money mistake.

Free Samples

I love free samples, don't you? I get most of my samples from the Internet. Just google free samples and start from there. There are actually websites devoted to free samples. Not only do I send samples to myself but sometimes I send them to my parents also. If you know someone who is interested in a certain product and you know their address, send them a sample. Also, sometimes free samples will come with a coupon. Free sample and a coupon-sounds like a deal to me!

Online Coupons

If you need a coupon for something and didn't get it from your local Sunday paper, don't worry! Just go online and print coupons. Of course, you will need access to a computer and a printer. My favorite site for online coupons is coupons.com. It's free and you don't have to sign up for anything. Just go to the site, find a coupon you want, "clip" it, and print. So easy! 

Menu Monday 4/1/2013

Here are some dinner ideas for this week-

stuffed shells
chicken or eggplant parmesan
ribs
chicken teriyaki
lasagna
pork marsala
salsa chicken
spaghetti
orange chicken
chicken and rice
fish and veggies
salsa verde
tacos
chili
chicken tenders
Cajun fish
sweet and sour chicken or pork
honey chicken
lemon butter fish
jambalaya
pizza
ginger orange pork
shrimp fried rice

After Holiday Sales

The day after a holiday run, don't walk, to your favorite store and buy items for next year at half price or less. The earlier you get there the better the selection will be. I would even be there when the store opens. Prepare for next year's holiday by shopping this year. Don't pay full price for an item that will only be marked down in a week or two. Planning ahead can save you a lot of money. Buy your items after a holiday, come home and put them away and you'll have brand new stuff for next year. This way you won't have to fight the crowds. You can relax knowing that your shopping is already done.

Fun and Free - Walking

Are you bored? Is it nice outside? Then go for a walk! Walking is fun and free. Walk around your neighborhood, walk around a park, or walk along a river or lake. Don't forget to take the family. Put the kids in a stroller or a wagon, put the dog on a leash and you're ready to go. Walking is good for you and it's something everyone can do. It's better than sitting inside on a nice day and it's a great family activity.

Craigslist

If you're looking to buy or sell something locally, check out Craigslist. Selling something on Craigslist is easy and posting an ad is free. I would highly recommend adding a picture of the item you're selling for a quicker sale. Craigslist is also a great place to buy something used without going from store to store. To use Craigslist, find your state and closest major city near you and search away. I've sold baby stuff on Craigslist that my daughter has outgrown. It's a great way to get rid of stuff and make money without having a garage sale.

For more information, go to craigslist.org

Baby Formula Coupons

If you have a baby and use formula you know how expensive it can be. Coupons for formula are rare. The one way you can save money is by signing up online at your favorite formula's website. I use Similac for my baby and by signing up for their membership program I receive coupons for formula in the mail and emails tracking my baby's growth. It's free and well worth it. When you have a baby every little bit helps.

Menu Monday 3/25/2013

Here are a few ideas for dinner this week-

fish tacos
stuffed shells
chicken or eggplant parmesan
ribs
chicken teriyaki
chicken and dumplings
bbq chicken
lasagna
pork marsala
salsa chicken
spaghetti
chicken wings
orange chicken
Mexican chicken and rice bake
Fish and veggies in foil
salsa verde
tacos
chili
chicken tenders
taco pasta casserole
pot pies
sloppy joes
Cajun fish
honey chicken
sweet and sour pork or chicken

Double Coupons

If a grocery store near you offers double coupon days, take advantage of it. Double coupons is when a store takes a coupon and doubles the value. The store I use usually has double coupons in the Sunday paper and they are only good for three days. To use them, match a coupon with a sale and a double coupon and you can get many items for free or near free. Keep an eye out for double coupons days at your store and use them while you can. Just another way coupons can save you money.

Generic Brands

Don't be afraid to try generics. From food to medicine to soap, some generic products are equal or better than their brand name counterparts. Just try it once and if you don't like it you can go back to your favorite brand. If you do like the generic item then you will save money and still get the same result. Some items you can easily buy generic and not notice, other items maybe not, but give it a try and you might be pleasantly surprised at how easy you can switch from brand name to generic.

Freezer Cooking - Burritos

Bean and Cheese Burritos-

2 cans refried beans
1 package soft flour taco tortillas (I had a 20 count bag, used 14 for this)
1 package shredded cheese

1. Take 3 tablespoons beans and spread on one side of tortilla. Top with cheese. Roll up and brown on medium heat in a dry pan (just to seal the edges). Cool, place in plastic storage bags, put in freezer.

2. To heat, I like to thaw them in the refrigerator first and bake at 350 degrees for 20-30 minutes or you can put them in the microwave. Top with your favorite toppings.

These are cheap and easy to make. We like to have them for lunch with taco sauce.

For more information and pictures on how to fold a burrito, go here - http://penniesandpancakes.blogspot.com

Freezer Cooking

I just started freezer cooking and I love it! What is freezer cooking? It's easy, make any meal in large quantities and freeze it and then use as needed. All you have to do is thaw, heat and eat. In the future I will post some recipes. I just did bean and cheese burritos. They're easy and cheap to make and much healthier than the frozen ones at the store. We loved them and ate them up. I put half in the fridge to eat now and froze the other half. Now we have a quick and healthy meal ready when we need it and we know all the ingredients in it. If you're making a meal, make double and freeze half or make a meal, let it cool, pack it up and put it in the freezer for later. It's that easy.

Menu Monday 3/18/2013

Here are a few ideas for dinner this week-

fish tacos
stuffed shells
chicken or eggplant parmesan
ribs
chicken teriyaki
chicken and dumplings
bbq chicken
lasagna
pork marsala
hot dogs
salsa chicken
spaghetti
chicken wings
orange chicken
baked Mexican chicken and rice
fish and vegetables
salsa verde
Mongolian beef
tacos
buffalo chicken wraps
chili
chicken tenders
fried shrimp
soup, salad and breadsticks
honey chicken
potato, sauerkraut and sausage

Gym Memberships

I think gym memberships are a total waste of money. You'll never use it as much as you think you will and good luck getting out of a contract. What's a better alternative? Two options. One, exercise outside. It's free! If it's nice out get outside and run, walk, skip, hop, whatever you want to do. Run around your neighborhood or go to a school and use their track. Two, buy your own gym equipment. We bought a used treadmill. It's not fancy but it works. Exercising does not have to be expensive. You don't need fancy gyms or clothes. Use what you have around you or just buy the equipment you use and like (used, of course). You'll get healthy and save money.

Cleaning Rags

Tired of buying paper towels every week? Go get some cleaning rags! Go to your favorite store and buy cheap towels or rags in bulk and throw them under the sink. When you need to do some basic cleaning, grab a rag, clean and wash it. After a while they won't look pretty and white anymore but who cares? They're just for cleaning and you can hide them in a kitchen cabinet. I still use paper towels for certain things but having a pile of rags on hand makes me think twice before I grab a paper towel and saves money too.

Carpool

Looking to save gas? Try a carpool! If you know someone that lives near you and is going to the same place at the same time instead of taking two cars take one. My husband and a co-worker carpool and take turns driving. It may not save you much if you're not going far but it will help with gas and less wear and tear on your car. So go to work or school and ask around today. You might even make a new friend or just have someone to talk to on the way to work.

Problem? - DIY or Ask Friends

If you need something fixed try to do it yourself before you call a repairman. Use Google or YouTube for whatever you need to fix to see if you can do it or if you need to call a professional. If you can't figure it out, phone a friend. You never know if a friend, family member, or co-worker has ever had the same problem you do. They might be able to help and save you a ton of money. Try these two options first before you call a repairman or completely replace an item.

Overtime

If you work and your job offers overtime you might want to consider it to pay off debts. My husband has been working overtime to pay for plane tickets. Yes, we could easily put it on a credit card and pay it off but we are trying to stay out of credit card debt. I would prefer my husband home at night but he is determined to have the money before we buy plane tickets. Overtime isn't for the faint of heart. It does take a toll on your body but if your job offers it and you can do it, go for it! Just remember to use the money for something good so all that hard work will be worth it.

Menu Monday 3/11/2013

Here are some ideas for dinner this week-

fish tacos
stuffed shells
chicken or eggplant parmesan
ribs
chicken teriyaki
chicken and dumplings
bbq chicken
lasagna
pork marsala
hot dogs
salsa chicken
spaghetti
sloppy joes
chicken wings
orange chicken
potato, sauerkraut and kielbasa
chicken and rice
fish and veggies
salsa verde
pot pies

Sunday Paper

It's Sunday! Did you buy your local newspaper today? Every Sunday I buy the paper but only if it has coupons. I only buy one copy but some people buy more. It's up to you. I find one copy to be enough for me. Sometimes before I buy the paper I'll quickly flip through it to make sure the coupons are there. If you don't want to run out on a Sunday morning and buy the paper, you can always subscribe and have it delivered right to your door. Either way, it's a good idea to get the Sunday paper and clip those coupons!

Water Filters

Do you drink a lot of water? You should! It's free! If you worry about what's in your water, try a water filter. You can buy a device that attaches to your faucet and replace the filter every couple of months or get a pitcher. I have a Brita faucet filter. The replacement filters are usually cheapest at Walmart but sometimes they go on sale at drug stores. I rarely see coupons for them. I like the faucet filter and we believe it makes our water taste better. For us it's worth the investment. If you drink a lot of water, give it a try and see if you taste any difference.

Space Heater

Looking to cut down on your heating bill? Try a space heater. It probably won't cut your heating bills in half but it will help a little. Keep the space heater in the room you use the most. We keep ours in the living room during the day and in the baby's room at night. It helps keep the room toasty and our heating system doesn't come on as often. Make sure to read and follow the directions before using.

Leftovers

Use your leftovers. Throwing away food is like throwing away money. You can have them for lunch or have a leftover night for dinner. Sometimes my husband mixes different leftover meals to make a new one. Do what you want but just don't throw it away! Leftovers save you money and all you have to do is reheat them. How easy is that? 

Make Your Own Mochas

Do you like mochas but don't have time to go to a coffee shop or want to pay coffee shop prices? Then make your own mochas at home! All you have to do is make some coffee and then add half a packet of hot chocolate mix to your cup. Voila! Instant mocha! Yum!

Redbox Movie Rentals

Do you like to rent movies? Then try Redbox! The movies are cheap and once you rent a movie you can return it anywhere there's a Redbox. I've seen Redbox locations at Walmart, Walgreens, gas stations, etc. The Walmart by me actually has two Redboxs so if one's out of a movie I really want to see, I just go to the other one. It's cheap, easy, and convenient. No commitment or membership card required.

For more information, go to redbox.com

Menu Monday 3/4/2013

Here are some ideas for dinner this week-

chili
sweet and sour pork or chicken
fish tacos
stuffed shells
chicken or eggplant parmesan
ribs
chicken teriyaki
chicken and dumplings
bbq chicken
lasagna
chicken tenders
pork marsala
pizza
hot dogs
salsa chicken
spaghetti
sloppy joes
linguine with clam sauce
chicken wings
chicken cordon bleus

Pampers Gifts to Grow Rewards

If you buy Pampers diapers and wipes, you might want to consider signing up for their gifts to grow rewards. Every package has a code on the inside, then go to Pampers website, sign up and enter the codes. I'm saving my points to get my daughter a toy for either her birthday or Christmas. One less gift to buy!

For more information, go to pampers.com

All You Magazine

If you're looking for coupons and ways to save money, start reading All You magazine. You can only buy it at Walmart or subscribe. I buy it every month.

For more information, go to allyou.com

Today's Tip - Printing Photos

I don't have a printer that prints photos so instead I use my local drugstore, which is Walgreens. I created an account on their website and download the photos. They are then printed at my local store and I can pick them up the same day. Plus, I always need something from the store, right? I'm sure all drugstores have a program like this. I just use Walgreens because it's close.

Slow Cooker Sausage, Potato and Kraut

4 red potatoes, quartered
2 cups sauerkraut with caraway seeds, drained
3/4 cup chicken broth
black pepper to taste
1 1/2 lbs bratwurst or kielbasa

1. In slow cooker, mix potatoes, kraut, broth and pepper. Place sausage on top.
2. Cover, cook 4 hrs on high.

That's it! Pretty easy and tasty. I got this recipe from shrinkingkitchen.com. Every Sunday they post a weekly menu and shopping list for free.

Menu Monday 2/25/13

Here are a few dinner ideas-

chili
chicken picatta
sweet and sour pork or chicken
fish tacos
beef tacos
stuffed shells
chicken or eggplant parmesan
spaghetti
ribs
chicken teriyaki
chicken and dumplings
lemon butter fish
bbq chicken
lasagna
chicken tenders
buffalo chicken wraps
pork marsala
pizza
pot pies

Stay at Home Mom or Second Class Citizen

Sometimes as a stay at home mom I also feel like a second class citizen. I know I don't go to an office everyday or earn a paycheck but I do work. Taking care of a baby is a full time job but, yet, I feel disrespected and unimportant. My husband likes to remind me that he earns the money and pays the bills. I try my best to save money but I guess that isn't good enough. Sometimes I wonder if I worked at a fast food restaurant maybe I would get more respect around here.

Being a stay at home mom isn't easy. Being a mom in general isn't easy. I rarely leave the house and I'm alone a lot. I love my daughter and I love being a mom but, at the same time, I feel completely useless. Maybe that's why I miss my parents so much. I know they would give me the love and support I deserve.

I've thought about going back to work but I would hate to leave my daughter in day care all day. We don't have any family here to watch her. Another reason why I miss my parents. I know in my heart I'm doing the right thing by staying home and raising my daughter but then why does it hurt so much and why is my self esteem so low?

I don't have a lot of friends where I live. I tried to find a mom group but all the groups I found are too far away. In many ways I'm on my own.  I think all moms deserve support and love for what they do. One day a year is not enough to celebrate moms. Now that I'm a parent I get it. People told me before the baby was born that this would be hard but they're wrong - it's harder than I ever imagined. Now I appreciate my parents and what they've done for me. Now I want to return the favor.

My husband may go to work, earn a paycheck and pay the bills but he can't do it without me and I can't do it without him. That's what makes this situation even harder. We all need love and support. It does take a village to raise a child and everyone in that village, from parents to grandparents, deserve respect, whether you stay at home or have a job. In my village we would all be together and help each other out. In my village there are no second class citizens. Everyone is an important piece of the puzzle. Everyone matters.

Drinking Games

Sometimes my husband drinks too much. As his wife, it's painful to watch. I don't think he realizes how much it hurts me. Now that we have a baby, I don't want her to go through what I have all these years. It is my responsibility as her mother to protect her. I don't want her to see her Dad drunk or passed out on the couch. She shouldn't have to grow up this way. She deserves better.

If I had a lot of money I would be with my parents right now. At least I know my parents wouldn't hurt me. I wish I could tell them what's going on but I don't want them to worry or hate my husband. He's not a bad guy. He's a good guy who drinks too much.

I wish I had the answers or could solve this problem but I don't. I don't know what to do anymore. The easiest thing to do would be to run but as a stay at home mom I don't have a lot of options. Sometimes I feel trapped like a caged animal. I miss my freedom and independence. I miss my family. I miss sunshine and warm weather.

He says he's going to stop drinking altogether. I don't believe him. I've been down this road before. Only time will tell. If he won't do it for me then he should do it for his daughter. She's changed my life, why hasn't she changed his?