My husband's days off are Wednesdays and Thursdays. Thursday was fine but Wednesday was a nightmare. He went to the bar to start with, came home and kept on drinking. Then I caught him texting his "friend" Angie. Of course he tried to defend his so-called friendship with her but when you're that drunk nothing makes sense. He let me text her on his phone and she didn't respond. Busted! The next morning she texted him and said she had went to bed. Bullshit! Less then five minutes before I texted her, she was texting my husband. She had been caught.
My husband went to the bar Wednesday and Thursday. At this rate, I'm going to have to go back to work to pay for his bar tab. And he wonders where all the money goes.
My husband said to me Wednesday after I caught him texting his "friend" that I can't handle his friendship with her because I'm weak, fragile and too emotional. I disagree. I have to be strong to live with an alcoholic who texts other women. I have to be strong to get up every morning to not only to take care of myself but my daughter. I have to be strong to put up with his crap. He is the weak one. He has the addiction, he's cheats and lies. I live a clean life. I go to therapy every week. My life is open and honest.
I had two people tell me this week that I'm smart. I don't feel so smart. If I'm smart then what am I doing in this situation? Sure, I like to read and maybe I speak well but smart didn't get me here.
Two good things happened this week - first, I got my hair done which always makes me feel better and I get to talk to my hairdresser who is really nice. Second, my mom unexpectedly sent me a box of baby clothes. I wish me, my daughter and my parents could be together. I'm tired of being alone. I hope one day we can all be together but for now I'm grateful I'm here to take care of my daughter, I'm grateful my daughter is happy and healthy, and I'm grateful my parents are ok. I wish things here were better but for now that's all I got.
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