Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Stay at Home Mom or Second Class Citizen

Sometimes as a stay at home mom I also feel like a second class citizen. I know I don't go to an office everyday or earn a paycheck but I do work. Taking care of a baby is a full time job but, yet, I feel disrespected and unimportant. My husband likes to remind me that he earns the money and pays the bills. I try my best to save money but I guess that isn't good enough. Sometimes I wonder if I worked at a fast food restaurant maybe I would get more respect around here.

Being a stay at home mom isn't easy. Being a mom in general isn't easy. I rarely leave the house and I'm alone a lot. I love my daughter and I love being a mom but, at the same time, I feel completely useless. Maybe that's why I miss my parents so much. I know they would give me the love and support I deserve.

I've thought about going back to work but I would hate to leave my daughter in day care all day. We don't have any family here to watch her. Another reason why I miss my parents. I know in my heart I'm doing the right thing by staying home and raising my daughter but then why does it hurt so much and why is my self esteem so low?

I don't have a lot of friends where I live. I tried to find a mom group but all the groups I found are too far away. In many ways I'm on my own.  I think all moms deserve support and love for what they do. One day a year is not enough to celebrate moms. Now that I'm a parent I get it. People told me before the baby was born that this would be hard but they're wrong - it's harder than I ever imagined. Now I appreciate my parents and what they've done for me. Now I want to return the favor.

My husband may go to work, earn a paycheck and pay the bills but he can't do it without me and I can't do it without him. That's what makes this situation even harder. We all need love and support. It does take a village to raise a child and everyone in that village, from parents to grandparents, deserve respect, whether you stay at home or have a job. In my village we would all be together and help each other out. In my village there are no second class citizens. Everyone is an important piece of the puzzle. Everyone matters.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Drinking Games

Sometimes my husband drinks too much. As his wife, it's painful to watch. I don't think he realizes how much it hurts me. Now that we have a baby, I don't want her to go through what I have all these years. It is my responsibility as her mother to protect her. I don't want her to see her Dad drunk or passed out on the couch. She shouldn't have to grow up this way. She deserves better.

If I had a lot of money I would be with my parents right now. At least I know my parents wouldn't hurt me. I wish I could tell them what's going on but I don't want them to worry or hate my husband. He's not a bad guy. He's a good guy who drinks too much.

I wish I had the answers or could solve this problem but I don't. I don't know what to do anymore. The easiest thing to do would be to run but as a stay at home mom I don't have a lot of options. Sometimes I feel trapped like a caged animal. I miss my freedom and independence. I miss my family. I miss sunshine and warm weather.

He says he's going to stop drinking altogether. I don't believe him. I've been down this road before. Only time will tell. If he won't do it for me then he should do it for his daughter. She's changed my life, why hasn't she changed his?