Alone

I have never felt more alone in my life. I had a baby ten months ago and I thought it would bring my husband and I closer together. Boy, was I wrong. If anything we're further apart than we've ever been. We basically live separate lives. I go to bed early, he stays up late. I'm with the baby, he does whatever he wants. We don't have any couple time anymore nor do we do anything as a family. We take turns watching the baby because we have no one to babysit. Our families don't live nearby and that's a big mistake when you have a baby. You need the help and support that you just can't get from a neighbor or friend.

Oh, did I mention my husband has a girl friend? She's married and lives three hours away. They're just friends except when my husband drinks a lot and then he texts her that he loves her. And he wonders why I don't trust him. I cook, clean and take care of the baby all day and when he is home he's either listening to music or texting. I might as well be alone. It's gotten to the point where I want him to cheat on me just so I have a reason to leave.

Being a stay at home mom isn't what I thought it would be. I'm home a lot and I'm alone a lot. If I complain to my husband he says I have post partum depression and that I should go talk to someone. I should be able to talk to my husband but he's too busy drinking, texting and listening to music. Must be nice.

I would love to talk to my Mom about this but she just had a heart attack and I don't want to worry her. Besides my Mom and my husband, I have no one to talk to. I'm alone and it sucks. As a stay at home mom I don't have a lot of options. I don't have an income and I don't have a lot of money. I'm basically stuck, stuck at home with a husband who still thinks he's a bachelor and a baby who deserves better. How did I get here and how the hell do I get out?