I don't know what to do anymore. I've cried, prayed, begged, visualized, repeated positive affirmations, and yet nothing seems to work. What do I do now? Where do I go from here? I feel numb. Nothing we're doing is working. I'm afraid to have hope because every month it quickly turns into disappointment. I'm tired, boy, am I tired. Tired of trying so hard when others don't have to. Tired of seeing and hearing about other people getting pregnant and having babies. I can't look anymore at your pictures and read your posts. In order to protect myself I have to look away now. The pain is to great to bear.
I hate to say I don't care anymore because I will always want to get pregnant. But I can't look at baby pictures hoping and praying that one day that will be me. It's not that I don't care, I just can't think about it anymore. It hurts my head and my heart. It gives me hope and I don't want to hope anymore. I don't want to think anymore or stare at baby pictures. It hurts too much. The longer it takes, the more far away it feels. Now I have to walk away. The thought, the dream will always be there but I can't dwell on it or I'll go insane. So forgive me if I'm not excited about your pregnancy or if I don't want to hold your baby but I rather be stabbed a million times in the heart. You don't know my pain or what I'm going through . Don't try to relate. You're not in my shoes.
There comes a point in every situation when you need to face reality, and the reality is this may never happen. The thought alone kills me. Just thinking about it breaks my heart. I'll never stop trying or hoping but I have to let it go like a coin in a fountain and just hope that one day my wish will come true.
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