No Kid Zone

I've come to painfully realize that not everyone is meant to have kids. You don't have to have kids. Maybe I was kidding myself all these years. I got married and bought a house and naturally thought the next step was to have kids. Why not? Everyone else was doing it, so it must be the right thing to do, right?

Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. Sometimes you know this from the beginning and sometimes you figure it out along the way. I've never been a "baby person". Babies have always scared me. I don't know what to do with them after five minutes. I've never felt very maternal. I thought I wanted to be a mother but now I just don't know. Did I want to be a mother because everyone else was? Did I want to be a mother to please other people? Did I want to be a mother because I felt that was the next step into adulthood?

I'm not even close to my own mother. My mom was never the warm and fuzzy type. To be honest, I don't think she was meant to be a mother. Maybe it runs in the family. My mom just never seemed into it. I thought I was different but maybe I'm more like her than I care to admit.

I know people without kids and they seem happy. I don't know why they didn't have kids. Whether it's personal, medical, or circumstantial, it's none of my business. If I don't have kids I think I'll be okay. My life will be different but I will still have a life. Things will be okay. Life will go on and I will have to focus on different things. Maybe my life won't be as fulfilling or I'll be more selfish but I will only have me to worry about. I'll travel and do things I never thought I could do. I won't play it safe because I won't have to. I'm not responsible for anyone else. I'm going to try to enjoy myself, enjoy life, and try to have a good time. Life is too short not to.