breakfast- banana and toast
lunch- lunchable (bad)
dinner- pork marsala w/ stuffing
sleep- 8 hours
exercise- none
other-
My husband's weekend starts tomorrow. Tomorrow he's suppose to carve the pumpkin and I'm going to buy candy. Thursday is Halloween. My husband will hand out the candy and I'll take our daughter trick or treating. It should be a fun weekend....I hope.
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Monday, October 28, 2013
Daily Update 10/28/2013
breakfast- banana and toast
lunch- none (bad, just not hungry)
dinner- fish and mashed potatoes
sleep- about 8 hours
exercise- none
other-
Today was couples therapy and it went really well. We watched the baby in the office and she was really good. There was no yelling and no tears. The therapist was in complete control of the situation. The main thing I learned was communication is the key. If you're unhappy you have to say so. You can't move forward if you don't communicate. I was pleasantly surprised by today's session and I look forward to next time.
lunch- none (bad, just not hungry)
dinner- fish and mashed potatoes
sleep- about 8 hours
exercise- none
other-
Today was couples therapy and it went really well. We watched the baby in the office and she was really good. There was no yelling and no tears. The therapist was in complete control of the situation. The main thing I learned was communication is the key. If you're unhappy you have to say so. You can't move forward if you don't communicate. I was pleasantly surprised by today's session and I look forward to next time.
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Daily Update 10/27/2013
breakfast- banana and toast
lunch- ravioli (bad)
dinner- sweet and sour chicken
sleep- about 8 hours
exercise- took my daughter for a walk
other-
Well, my husband made it a point yesterday to say again that his friendship with Angie is over. He said he spoke to her last week and told her to cut it out. I guess her husband is starting to get suspicious too. My husband said she was flirting but I know it takes two to tango. Only time will tell how this works out.
Tomorrow is couples therapy. I'm nervous for two reasons - one, the receptionist is suppose to watch our daughter. I don't see that working out but we'll see and I'm just nervous about the therapy itself. My husband has made it a point now to say twice he doesn't talk to Angie anymore and he's going to start working overtime to pay for his beer. We estimated he spends about $200 a month on beer alone. I think he's trying to score points with me so I don't bring it up tomorrow. I'm just going to let the therapist take the lead. I have no idea what I'm in for.
lunch- ravioli (bad)
dinner- sweet and sour chicken
sleep- about 8 hours
exercise- took my daughter for a walk
other-
Well, my husband made it a point yesterday to say again that his friendship with Angie is over. He said he spoke to her last week and told her to cut it out. I guess her husband is starting to get suspicious too. My husband said she was flirting but I know it takes two to tango. Only time will tell how this works out.
Tomorrow is couples therapy. I'm nervous for two reasons - one, the receptionist is suppose to watch our daughter. I don't see that working out but we'll see and I'm just nervous about the therapy itself. My husband has made it a point now to say twice he doesn't talk to Angie anymore and he's going to start working overtime to pay for his beer. We estimated he spends about $200 a month on beer alone. I think he's trying to score points with me so I don't bring it up tomorrow. I'm just going to let the therapist take the lead. I have no idea what I'm in for.
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Daily Update 10/26/2013
breakfast- banana and toast
lunch- leftover spaghetti
dinner- chili
sleep- about 8 hours
exercise- took my daughter to the park
other-
Yesterday I told my husband that I was disappointed that we didn't go to the park Thursday as we had planned. He decided to go to the bar instead. I guess bar time is more important than family time. So he decided that we were going to the park Friday morning even though it was about forty degrees out. I hope he realizes making up for lost time doesn't count. It wasn't that cold in the sun and our daughter had fun but it certainly felt rushed. I just wish we had went to the park on Thursday when it was much warmer and we had all day to do it.
I've decided that on his days off I'm just going to assume he's going to the bar. This way I won't be so disappointed when he does it. Maybe that will save me some pain.
lunch- leftover spaghetti
dinner- chili
sleep- about 8 hours
exercise- took my daughter to the park
other-
Yesterday I told my husband that I was disappointed that we didn't go to the park Thursday as we had planned. He decided to go to the bar instead. I guess bar time is more important than family time. So he decided that we were going to the park Friday morning even though it was about forty degrees out. I hope he realizes making up for lost time doesn't count. It wasn't that cold in the sun and our daughter had fun but it certainly felt rushed. I just wish we had went to the park on Thursday when it was much warmer and we had all day to do it.
I've decided that on his days off I'm just going to assume he's going to the bar. This way I won't be so disappointed when he does it. Maybe that will save me some pain.
Friday, October 25, 2013
Weekend Update 10/25/2013
I survived my husband's weekend. It's amazing how better I feel once Friday comes. I spend Wednesday and Thursday on pins and needles but on Friday I can breathe. The weekend wasn't bad but it wasn't good either. He went to the bar both days even though we're low on money. Thursday we were suppose to take our daughter to the park but he went to the bar instead. Wednesday night he wanted to walk to the gas station to get more beer but he couldn't walk a straight line if he tried. So instead he drank his moonshine. Good compromise.
My husband keeps complaining about the lack of sex. He thinks if he rolls over and touches me I'm automatically turned on. Sorry, it doesn't work that way. Maybe he should try drinking less, spending time with his family, and less time on the phone. That might work. He also says he doesn't text his friend Angie anymore. I would like to believe him but I don't. I know better.
Monday we have couples therapy. At first I was dreading it but now I'm looking forward to it. Maybe our therapist can help us. I obviously can't get through to him. This therapy thing is a last ditch effort. If this doesn't work I don't know what will.
Our neighbor is getting ready to sell her home and move an hour away. That's a bummer. She's the only one I trust with my daughter. She's also the only one we socialize with as a family. We don't hang out with other families. I don't have any mom friends. As a matter of fact, I don't have anyone else. She's our only support out here. If she moves it will just make a bad situation even worse.
Sometimes I wish I would win lots of money so I can leave and get out of here. I would go and be with my parents. I'm tired of being alone and not having any support. My husband completely ignores us. I pray that something good will happen because at this point that's all I can do.
My husband keeps complaining about the lack of sex. He thinks if he rolls over and touches me I'm automatically turned on. Sorry, it doesn't work that way. Maybe he should try drinking less, spending time with his family, and less time on the phone. That might work. He also says he doesn't text his friend Angie anymore. I would like to believe him but I don't. I know better.
Monday we have couples therapy. At first I was dreading it but now I'm looking forward to it. Maybe our therapist can help us. I obviously can't get through to him. This therapy thing is a last ditch effort. If this doesn't work I don't know what will.
Our neighbor is getting ready to sell her home and move an hour away. That's a bummer. She's the only one I trust with my daughter. She's also the only one we socialize with as a family. We don't hang out with other families. I don't have any mom friends. As a matter of fact, I don't have anyone else. She's our only support out here. If she moves it will just make a bad situation even worse.
Sometimes I wish I would win lots of money so I can leave and get out of here. I would go and be with my parents. I'm tired of being alone and not having any support. My husband completely ignores us. I pray that something good will happen because at this point that's all I can do.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Daily Update 10/22/2013
breakfast- banana and toast
lunch- lunchable (bad)
dinner- shrimp, rice and beans
sleep- about 8 hours
exercise- none
lunch- lunchable (bad)
dinner- shrimp, rice and beans
sleep- about 8 hours
exercise- none
Monday, October 21, 2013
Daily Update 10/21/2013
breakfast- banana and toast
lunch- donut (bad)
dinner- buffalo chicken wraps
sleep- about 8 hours
exercise- walked w/ my daughter
other-
I saw my therapist and next Monday my husband and I are starting couples therapy. I am so nervous. I know it's not going to go well especially when the touchy subjects come up like drinking and texting. My therapist says she will not allow my husband to play the blame game or insult me. We also need to do a budget because we always end up short at the end of the month. I know he spends a lot of money on alcohol and I'm sick of watching our future go down his throat. We also need to start leaving our daughter with our neighbor. Hopefully, our neighbor can watch her Monday or the receptionist will but I think that will be too distracting. Our daughter needs to get out of the house more and be around other people. She can't be with me all the time. As much as I love her, I need to let her go.
My cousin emailed me and wants me to talk to my mom about getting my dad to see an eye doctor. He needs eye surgery but for some reason will not go. I wish my parents would take better care of themselves. They're both retired and have no excuse not to go to the doctor.
I've been trying to watch less TV and I also realized I need to spend less time on Facebook too. Those are my two major time wasters. I went on Facebook and went through my newsfeed and hid anyone I don't care about and who doesn't care about me. Why am I wasting my time following someone who was never my friend and never will be? Some people post way too much. I need to focus on me, not other people. I'm tired of trying to please other people and getting them to like me. I need to move on. I need to focus on me, my daughter and my parents and that's not going to happen watching TV or being on Facebook.
lunch- donut (bad)
dinner- buffalo chicken wraps
sleep- about 8 hours
exercise- walked w/ my daughter
other-
I saw my therapist and next Monday my husband and I are starting couples therapy. I am so nervous. I know it's not going to go well especially when the touchy subjects come up like drinking and texting. My therapist says she will not allow my husband to play the blame game or insult me. We also need to do a budget because we always end up short at the end of the month. I know he spends a lot of money on alcohol and I'm sick of watching our future go down his throat. We also need to start leaving our daughter with our neighbor. Hopefully, our neighbor can watch her Monday or the receptionist will but I think that will be too distracting. Our daughter needs to get out of the house more and be around other people. She can't be with me all the time. As much as I love her, I need to let her go.
My cousin emailed me and wants me to talk to my mom about getting my dad to see an eye doctor. He needs eye surgery but for some reason will not go. I wish my parents would take better care of themselves. They're both retired and have no excuse not to go to the doctor.
I've been trying to watch less TV and I also realized I need to spend less time on Facebook too. Those are my two major time wasters. I went on Facebook and went through my newsfeed and hid anyone I don't care about and who doesn't care about me. Why am I wasting my time following someone who was never my friend and never will be? Some people post way too much. I need to focus on me, not other people. I'm tired of trying to please other people and getting them to like me. I need to move on. I need to focus on me, my daughter and my parents and that's not going to happen watching TV or being on Facebook.
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Daily Update 10/20/2013
breakfast- banana and toast
lunch- bacon and eggs
dinner- lemon butter fish w/ stuffing
sleep- about 8 hours
exercise- none
lunch- bacon and eggs
dinner- lemon butter fish w/ stuffing
sleep- about 8 hours
exercise- none
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Daily Update 10/19/2013
breakfast- banana and toast
lunch- tomato and cucumber salad
dinner- sloppy joes
sleep- about 8 hours
exercise- did about a 20 minute workout DVD
lunch- tomato and cucumber salad
dinner- sloppy joes
sleep- about 8 hours
exercise- did about a 20 minute workout DVD
Friday, October 18, 2013
Daily Update 10/18/2013
breakfast- toast and apple
lunch- zucchini bread
dinner- orange chicken w/ rice
sleep- about 8 hours
exercise- none
other-
Pretty good weekend with my husband. We took our daughter to a pumpkin patch, decorated for Halloween and got flu shots. Finally got to see my therapist. My husband did go to the bar once (that I know of) but walked to the convenience store twice. He also fell asleep on the couch twice. We didn't fight and he didn't seem to be texting a lot ( at home, at least). So, overall, it wasn't a bad weekend. Much better than last weekend.
lunch- zucchini bread
dinner- orange chicken w/ rice
sleep- about 8 hours
exercise- none
other-
Pretty good weekend with my husband. We took our daughter to a pumpkin patch, decorated for Halloween and got flu shots. Finally got to see my therapist. My husband did go to the bar once (that I know of) but walked to the convenience store twice. He also fell asleep on the couch twice. We didn't fight and he didn't seem to be texting a lot ( at home, at least). So, overall, it wasn't a bad weekend. Much better than last weekend.
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Daily Update 10/15/2013
breakfast- banana and toast
lunch- breakfast sausage
dinner- veggie quesadilla
sleep- about 8 hours
exercise- none
other-
Well, today did not go as I expected. My husband had his therapy appointment at ten, mine was suppose to be right after except the new receptionist double booked my appointment and I got moved to tomorrow. So I came home and had to listen to my husband say how great he felt and I was miserable. I haven't seen my therapist in two weeks and I had some really important things to talk about. I was all excited and then the door got slammed in my face. I guess I'll just have to wait to tomorrow to vent. One more day to hold it in. One more day.
lunch- breakfast sausage
dinner- veggie quesadilla
sleep- about 8 hours
exercise- none
other-
Well, today did not go as I expected. My husband had his therapy appointment at ten, mine was suppose to be right after except the new receptionist double booked my appointment and I got moved to tomorrow. So I came home and had to listen to my husband say how great he felt and I was miserable. I haven't seen my therapist in two weeks and I had some really important things to talk about. I was all excited and then the door got slammed in my face. I guess I'll just have to wait to tomorrow to vent. One more day to hold it in. One more day.
Monday, October 14, 2013
Daily Update 10/14/2013
breakfast- banana and toast
lunch- leftover rice and beans
dinner- homemade chicken tenders and beans
sleep- about 8 hours
exercise- none
other-
Finally get to see my therapist tomorrow after a two week break (she had a conference). My husband is going tomorrow too (separate appointment). He hasn't been in over a month. I can't wait to go. I have so much to talk about.
lunch- leftover rice and beans
dinner- homemade chicken tenders and beans
sleep- about 8 hours
exercise- none
other-
Finally get to see my therapist tomorrow after a two week break (she had a conference). My husband is going tomorrow too (separate appointment). He hasn't been in over a month. I can't wait to go. I have so much to talk about.
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Daily Update 10/13/2013
breakfast- banana and toast
lunch- leftover spaghetti
dinner- rice, beans, and avocado
sleep- 7-8 hours
exercise- none
lunch- leftover spaghetti
dinner- rice, beans, and avocado
sleep- 7-8 hours
exercise- none
Saturday, October 12, 2013
Daily Update 10/12/2013
breakfast- banana and toast
lunch- lunchable (bad)
dinner- spaghetti w/ Italian sausage
sleep- about 8 hours
exercise- none
lunch- lunchable (bad)
dinner- spaghetti w/ Italian sausage
sleep- about 8 hours
exercise- none
Friday, October 11, 2013
Weekend Update
My husband's days off are Wednesdays and Thursdays. Thursday was fine but Wednesday was a nightmare. He went to the bar to start with, came home and kept on drinking. Then I caught him texting his "friend" Angie. Of course he tried to defend his so-called friendship with her but when you're that drunk nothing makes sense. He let me text her on his phone and she didn't respond. Busted! The next morning she texted him and said she had went to bed. Bullshit! Less then five minutes before I texted her, she was texting my husband. She had been caught.
My husband went to the bar Wednesday and Thursday. At this rate, I'm going to have to go back to work to pay for his bar tab. And he wonders where all the money goes.
My husband said to me Wednesday after I caught him texting his "friend" that I can't handle his friendship with her because I'm weak, fragile and too emotional. I disagree. I have to be strong to live with an alcoholic who texts other women. I have to be strong to get up every morning to not only to take care of myself but my daughter. I have to be strong to put up with his crap. He is the weak one. He has the addiction, he's cheats and lies. I live a clean life. I go to therapy every week. My life is open and honest.
I had two people tell me this week that I'm smart. I don't feel so smart. If I'm smart then what am I doing in this situation? Sure, I like to read and maybe I speak well but smart didn't get me here.
Two good things happened this week - first, I got my hair done which always makes me feel better and I get to talk to my hairdresser who is really nice. Second, my mom unexpectedly sent me a box of baby clothes. I wish me, my daughter and my parents could be together. I'm tired of being alone. I hope one day we can all be together but for now I'm grateful I'm here to take care of my daughter, I'm grateful my daughter is happy and healthy, and I'm grateful my parents are ok. I wish things here were better but for now that's all I got.
My husband went to the bar Wednesday and Thursday. At this rate, I'm going to have to go back to work to pay for his bar tab. And he wonders where all the money goes.
My husband said to me Wednesday after I caught him texting his "friend" that I can't handle his friendship with her because I'm weak, fragile and too emotional. I disagree. I have to be strong to live with an alcoholic who texts other women. I have to be strong to get up every morning to not only to take care of myself but my daughter. I have to be strong to put up with his crap. He is the weak one. He has the addiction, he's cheats and lies. I live a clean life. I go to therapy every week. My life is open and honest.
I had two people tell me this week that I'm smart. I don't feel so smart. If I'm smart then what am I doing in this situation? Sure, I like to read and maybe I speak well but smart didn't get me here.
Two good things happened this week - first, I got my hair done which always makes me feel better and I get to talk to my hairdresser who is really nice. Second, my mom unexpectedly sent me a box of baby clothes. I wish me, my daughter and my parents could be together. I'm tired of being alone. I hope one day we can all be together but for now I'm grateful I'm here to take care of my daughter, I'm grateful my daughter is happy and healthy, and I'm grateful my parents are ok. I wish things here were better but for now that's all I got.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Daily Update 10/8/2013
breakfast- banana and toast
lunch- top ramen (not healthy, but I wasn't feeling well)
dinner- tacos
sleep- about 8 hours
exercise- none
lunch- top ramen (not healthy, but I wasn't feeling well)
dinner- tacos
sleep- about 8 hours
exercise- none
Monday, October 7, 2013
Daily Update 10/7/2013
breakfast- banana and toast
lunch- avocado, snack bar (not really hungry, also not much to eat in the house)
dinner- shrimp, rice, veggie stir fry
sleep- about 8 hours
exercise- walked with my daughter
lunch- avocado, snack bar (not really hungry, also not much to eat in the house)
dinner- shrimp, rice, veggie stir fry
sleep- about 8 hours
exercise- walked with my daughter
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Daily Update 10/6/2013
breakfast- banana and toast
lunch- Caesar salad
dinner- pizza chicken, garlic bread
sleep- about eight hours
exercise- walked with my daughter
other-
Yesterday my husband thanked me for being nice, more specifically for coming into bed after I got up earlier to snuggle (no sex). That's not something I normally do but I thought it might be nice. At first his comment bothered me. I know I'm not always a joy to be around but deep down I am a nice person. I'm a nice person who is in a bad situation. It's hard to be nice when your husband drinks and texts another woman. It's hard to be nice when you're alone a lot and you wish deep down you were someplace else. It's hard but I'm trying.
Speaking of being someplace else, my mother in law called me from Vegas. Vegas is where I used to live and where my parents live. Vegas is the place I wish I could go back to. My mother in law was there to celebrate her 40th wedding anniversary but all she talked about was being tired and being sick of hotels. I would trade places with her in a second. We were suppose to be there too for the anniversary party but then they cancelled it but they had it anyway (long story). Everyone was there except us. Now we look like the losers. Oh well, I rather go on my own anyway. One day, one day....
I still hope my parents move up here but I don't think that will happen especially after I told them about my husband's drinking. I wish I had someplace to go because things can get pretty sad and lonely here. For now I'm stuck and I better make the best of it. I better start being nice.
lunch- Caesar salad
dinner- pizza chicken, garlic bread
sleep- about eight hours
exercise- walked with my daughter
other-
Yesterday my husband thanked me for being nice, more specifically for coming into bed after I got up earlier to snuggle (no sex). That's not something I normally do but I thought it might be nice. At first his comment bothered me. I know I'm not always a joy to be around but deep down I am a nice person. I'm a nice person who is in a bad situation. It's hard to be nice when your husband drinks and texts another woman. It's hard to be nice when you're alone a lot and you wish deep down you were someplace else. It's hard but I'm trying.
Speaking of being someplace else, my mother in law called me from Vegas. Vegas is where I used to live and where my parents live. Vegas is the place I wish I could go back to. My mother in law was there to celebrate her 40th wedding anniversary but all she talked about was being tired and being sick of hotels. I would trade places with her in a second. We were suppose to be there too for the anniversary party but then they cancelled it but they had it anyway (long story). Everyone was there except us. Now we look like the losers. Oh well, I rather go on my own anyway. One day, one day....
I still hope my parents move up here but I don't think that will happen especially after I told them about my husband's drinking. I wish I had someplace to go because things can get pretty sad and lonely here. For now I'm stuck and I better make the best of it. I better start being nice.
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Daily Update 10/5/2013
breakfast- banana and toast
lunch- leftover fettuccine alfredo
dinner- Dijon apricot pork chops w/ scalloped potatoes
sleep- about 8 hours
exercise- walked w/ my daughter in the stroller
other- I spoke to my Mom today after the bombshell I dropped last week regarding my husband's drinking. Of course, she's concerned but I told her that everything is ok....for now. She said I can come down there anytime I want and stay. I told my husband that and he didn't seem thrilled. I told him last week I told my parents about the drinking, therapy etc. but he seems to have forgotten. He kinda gave me the cold shoulder before he left for work but whatever. It's his problem not mine. If he's embarrassed that's his fault. He also likes to point out that I don't have it so bad. I guess that's his way of telling me to shut up but I won't and he can't make me. The only two things I got going for me right now is my daughter and the truth.
lunch- leftover fettuccine alfredo
dinner- Dijon apricot pork chops w/ scalloped potatoes
sleep- about 8 hours
exercise- walked w/ my daughter in the stroller
other- I spoke to my Mom today after the bombshell I dropped last week regarding my husband's drinking. Of course, she's concerned but I told her that everything is ok....for now. She said I can come down there anytime I want and stay. I told my husband that and he didn't seem thrilled. I told him last week I told my parents about the drinking, therapy etc. but he seems to have forgotten. He kinda gave me the cold shoulder before he left for work but whatever. It's his problem not mine. If he's embarrassed that's his fault. He also likes to point out that I don't have it so bad. I guess that's his way of telling me to shut up but I won't and he can't make me. The only two things I got going for me right now is my daughter and the truth.
Friday, October 4, 2013
Changes
I'm going to change the food journal to a daily journal. My therapist has me filling out this sheet where I list meals, hours slept, exercise, and anything that happens that prevents me from eating right, sleeping or exercising. I like it and I think besides eating right it's important to exercise and get enough sleep. So let's begin.
breakfast- toast and banana
lunch- hot pockets (bad)
dinner- chicken and dumplings w/ mixed veggies
sleep- 8 hours
exercise- I didn't exercise. It was cold and windy. I didn't do much yesterday. It was my husband's last day of vacation and I just tried to get through the day.
breakfast- toast and banana
lunch- hot pockets (bad)
dinner- chicken and dumplings w/ mixed veggies
sleep- 8 hours
exercise- I didn't exercise. It was cold and windy. I didn't do much yesterday. It was my husband's last day of vacation and I just tried to get through the day.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Vacation Update
My husband's vacation is almost over so I though I would give an update. Friday I caught him texting his "friend" Angie. She's married also and lives a couple of hours away. They met at a race and my husband works with her cousin. I've caught them texting before and let's say some of the texts were borderline flirtatious plus alcohol equals bad news. As usual a fight followed, then tears, then anger. Of course, it's everyone's fault but his. He's an innocent little lamb. Thanks husband for drinking and texting another woman.
Saturday I broke down and told my mom everything - the drinking, the texting, therapy, my in laws, everything. The cat is out of the bag. Now my parents know how miserable I've been.
Sunday, more drinking and texting but this time my husband decided to pick on his brother. His brother took the drunken bait, called him, and they had a fight. My husband hung up on him and his brother texted that he never wants to talk to him again.
Also, my husband thought for some reason our car insurance wasn't going to go through so he went to the bar instead. Guess what? The next day the car insurance went through and I had to put money in his account but at least he got to go to the bar and that's all that counts, right?
So that's the highlights of my husband's drunken vacation. I can't wait for it to be over.
Saturday I broke down and told my mom everything - the drinking, the texting, therapy, my in laws, everything. The cat is out of the bag. Now my parents know how miserable I've been.
Sunday, more drinking and texting but this time my husband decided to pick on his brother. His brother took the drunken bait, called him, and they had a fight. My husband hung up on him and his brother texted that he never wants to talk to him again.
Also, my husband thought for some reason our car insurance wasn't going to go through so he went to the bar instead. Guess what? The next day the car insurance went through and I had to put money in his account but at least he got to go to the bar and that's all that counts, right?
So that's the highlights of my husband's drunken vacation. I can't wait for it to be over.
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